3 o'clock

Chapter 2

22th December, 358 days left

It's been a week since I last saw him. Oh god do I miss him like hell. The first few weeks are always hard to take in, no matter how many times it happens. It's the same every time. I keep wishing for a little bit more. My heart keep aching as I watch him go. Standing like a fool, unable to do anything but see him turn from someone to nothing and as I walk home I always wonder, why I even met him at the first place?

I was a mediocre child. With mediocre personality, mediocre grades, in a mediocre city, living a mediocre life. How was I granted such painful miracle? Sometimes I think it's a prank, that someone is playing me. But it couldn't be true, I watch him appear in front of my eyes, and I watch him disappear. Other times I think I'm dreaming, but the ache in my heart and the warmth of his presence felt too real for me to be sleeping.

Can I really complain about this though? I wore the crown, without considering its weight. I choose to love him by myself. I choose to return every time by myself. I choose to live loving the impossible myself. I should hate him for doing this to me, for disappearing as soon as he appears. I should hate him, but I can't. Even in my darkest days, the one I hate the most is always me? For being the way I am, so breakable and weak.

The loud music break through my thoughts, the flashing lights blind my eyes. There was body sticking to each other everywhere, and the room began filling up as the hours went by. This was the home for the loners and the grievers. Not where I want to be, but where I belonged.

"Oh my gosh, Steph! Guess who just gave me their number!" Sam shouted loudly and drowned two shots right after.

"Who?" I asked talking small sips of my single glass of cocktail that hasn't left my hand since I came in.

"Bob!"

"The builder?"

"No, Bob! Your neighbour that I have been eyeing since forever Bob!"

"Oh, just Bob Johnson. What's he doing here?"

"Just Bob Johnson? Girl, ya gotta look at that guy. No girl in the whole world except for you would call him just Bob Johnson. Anyway, his cousin dragged him here."

"Raphael? Or Cathrine?"

"You won't believe this but little Dian!"

"Little Dian! Not my little Dian! I used to babysit that kid."

"That's right, it's your little Dian. Wanna go over to talk?"

"Nah, I think we should head home now. It's getting too crowded for my comfort." I gulped down the rest of my cocktail and grabbed my purse. "Lego."

"Just one more drink babe," she picked up the last shot glass and finished it. "Now let's go. But seriously, how lazy do ya have to be to simplify two words?"

"And how lazy do you have to be to simplify one word."

"Lazy enough to do it drunk and sober," she laughed.

We hailed a taxi and got to my home. My parents weren't home this whole week, they went to visit my sister in Canada. So it was just us, munching on late night snacks after a late night party.

"Girl, ya think I should text him now? Will I look too desperate or too easy? Maybe I'll text him tomorrow? But what if he gave his number to someone else too and they text him first and I lose my chance with him because like an idiot I was wondering weather I should text him or not!" Sam pranced around the room with her phone in her hand, constantly typing and deleting again.

"Text him now, maybe he'll see it in the morning." I saw her typing like crazy at my answer and I just resumed my snack. She is not coming back to me anytime soon.

"Bye babe, gotta go. Bob replied. He's home." She throws a wink at me and puts on her coat faster than a child opening it's gift at Christmas.

"Remember, if you kill him, I know at least 10 ways to hide his body."

"Don't worry I don't think I'll kill him... so far."

I sigh as once again I was left in loneness. I go to my room and sit by my window. I made a perfect spot to read and sleep by the window. It was the closest place to the moon. The closest I could be with my love on a day like this.

I look up to the moon, "Sometimes, I really wish we were like normal couples. And we could have a little dates at the library. We could get matching tattoos. We could fly to another country. We could get engaged, married, have kids, and spend our whole lifetime with each other. I really wish you were here to hold me, on a day like this."

Tears left my eyes involuntary, I wiped them just as quickly as they fell. I won't cry anymore. At least, not for him. I really miss him like crazy. The stars were especially bright today, it was as if he made them bright on purpose to comfort me. I close my eyes and quietly whisper to myself, "Today is 23th December, just 357 more days left ...

Just 357 days more until I can see you again

Just 357 days more..."

I don't think I can do this.