"I think we should take some time apart." Grant spoke quietly, looking to the floor. "What? WHAT?!" I screamed. "You have the nerve to cheat on me with Amie Walter AND then break up with me?" I shrieked at him. Grant just kept looking at his shoes and fiddling with his fingers. "You know what? Fine! FINE! I don't need you anyway, jerk!" I shouted in his face and stormed off. I breathed heavily, feeling the tears pricking my eyes. "No, don't cry, don't cry." I thought as the tears streamed down my face. I started to sprint with the tears making my makeup run. Suddenly, I heard a crack of thunder as a drop of rain fell on my face. I didn't know what I was running away from. I just wanted to get away, from Grant, from school, from... everything. Then, the downpour began. The rain filled my glasses so I couldn't see a thing. I just kept running; away.
I leaned against the oak tree, not knowing if my face was wet because of the rain, or my tears. I sighed and put my feet up on the wooden bench. How was this happening to me?
*Flashback to 3 months earlier*
"I literally can't stand you!" I yelled at my dad. He sighed, "I know you don't mean than." he said. I grunted in frustration. "I do! I can't believe you'd do something like that to Mom." I croaked, my voice breaking as I felt the tears well up. He looked at me, his head slightly bent. "You know it wasn't like that, Jojo." he smiled weakly. "Don't lie to me Dad! Mom SAW you. I hate you. I HATE YOU!" I screamed, as I hurried upstairs. "Stop! Jo! Wait!" he called. "Don't ever talk to me again!!!" I raged and slammed the door behind me. I lept on my bed and wept. It was like I couldn't trust my own dad anymore. Mom had gone to her friend's house for the night because she couldn't even look at Dad. I sniffed and turned my pillow around as it was getting damp. Suddenly, I heard the door slam. I couldn't care less. I hope he never comes back.
*Back to present day*
I wish I never said that. I was so stupid. It's all my fault. I wished it. It's my own fault my dad died. I couldn't help the tears. I completely broke down. My hands covered my face. I hated myself. I still remember my Mom, waking me up at 4am, her face streaked with tears.
*Flashback*
"Honey?" I heard my mom say softly. "Jo. Wake up."
"Hmm?"
"Jo please wake up."
I opened my eyes to see my mom, eyes red, hair a mess. "Mom? What is it?" I asked. "Jo, it's your dad." she whispered. I sat up, my mind still fuzzy. "What? Did he sleep with another woman?" I joked. "Jo, your father was in a car accident.." Mom said as she burst into tears. I eyes opened wide as I stared at my mother. "What?" I whispered, trying my best to not cry. "A drunk driver hit him straight on. He went through the windscreen. He died instantly." Mom cried. I exhaled. I don't know what I felt. Pain. No tears came out. I never felt something like this. It wasn't sadness, it was so much more than than. My world came crashing down. My dad. The wonderful man who helped me grow up. Who taught me how to tie my shoelaces, multiply double digits and brought me my first bike had died. And it was all my fault. My fault. My fault...
*Present day*
I sniffed and sat up, looking out to the lake. I wondered what it would be like to drown. The water filling your lungs as the plants dragged you down, deeper, deeper, deeper. I've been suicidal for a while, I wanted to end it all, and join my dad in Heaven. I wanted to apologise. For everything. I glanced how at my exposed arms, covered in scars and buried my face in them. Grant is such an ass. He went out with me out of pity, a couple of months earlier, when the cutting was at its worse. He was in my English class and I didn't know him very well, but he was decent enough. So I went out with him. I don't know why, I didn't particularly "fancy" him but my friends convinced me to say yes. And about 2 weeks ago, I caught him making out with Amie Walter, the school slut who pulled her skirt up higher so you could see her tiny black thong, and put on about 25 layers of makeup on everyday. I didn't break up with him but it made me cut. He made me think I wasn't goof enough for him. That made me think of my dad again and the cycle repeated. I hated my life. Then HE came along...
