This Is Me

The Beginning

Dear person reading my diary and invading my privacy,

        Were  you so curious that you had  to pick up my diary? Do you do this often? Since your holding this book, i bet you cant wait to read all my fascinating secrets and all my fantasies. Come on! Admit it! I would too...

        My name is Raylynn , and as it seems, i have way to much drama in my life. Drama hovers around my head, as if its my own  personal storm cloud. Its made of all the craziness i live with. And it makes me want to scream sometimes. So go on and read my diary....

May 28, 2018

Dear Diary,

         Today, i couldn't sleep last night but when i did finally fell asleep i had nightmares where i ended up killing myself. I'm so scared to sleep tonight  because of the nightmares. People tell me to say my feelings and then they get mad when i say how i truly feel. Take my mom for example, i told her i dint want to live with her anymore and i wanted her out of my life  because of all the hurt she has caused me and she got pissed and pushed me into an oven. with all the abuse she has caused me i feel like my world is falling apart.

July 12, 2018

Dear Diary,

         So even if i have a good day i sill feel sad... I'm trying to turn my sadness into anger but its not working. I always go back to sadness. But at least i don't hurt myself anymore. I haven't since i was in a mental place called Our Lady Of Peace or OLOP for short.  Sometimes i hide my sadness because  i don't want to stress out my aunt anymore than i already have. My aunt is like my mom figure since my mother was too selfish to give a damn about her kids. Sometimes when i'm alone  I think of writing my suicide letter and kill myself. But i'm getting over it slowly. I take my pill like i'm supposed to but it doesn't help. Its just like all my feelings other than sadness have diapered. And i cant tell my aunt all of this because i don't want to make her stressed or mad at me.