roommates • why don't we #WATTYS2019

26

sage -

corbyn and i got home two days ago, they've been non stop rehearsing for the 8 letters tour coming up. it's still three months away but they're working on small changes. i was laying on the couch, the boys were outside with eben and jon.

zach comes inside, startling me. i dropped my phone on my face. "ow" i said rubbing my nose. zach looked at me and laughed. i flipped him off as he grabbed water bottles. "you okay?" he asked handing me one. "yeah why?" "you look tired that's all." he patted my head and walked outside. i got up and went to my bathroom. i looked in the mirror, i looked exhausted. i sighed and splashed water on my face. i stood there for a minute, head in my hands. nothing was wrong. ive been fine. why is today weird?

i jumped when someone knocked on the door.

"hey sage? it's jonah. you okay?"
"yeah one sec"

i wiped my face and took a deep breathe. jonah was standing at the wall that had pictures around it organized into a heart.

"when did you do this?"
"oh i work on it every few days. print out pictures, laminate them myself and put them up. memories." i said grabbing a sweater that was on the foot of my bed. smelt like daniel. jonah came across one of me from the beginning of freshman year with a group of people i called friends.

"why is one guy scratched out?" he asked pointing at alex.
"that's my ex. he hurt me really bad. not important really."
"sorry sage. you look sick,you feeling okay?"
"yeah yeah i feel fine. zach said i looked tired."
"yeah he's the one who asked me to check on you. do you want to go see a doctor?"
"jonah i'm fine. maybe its lack of vitamins or something."
"alright. you let me know if you start feeling weird" he said putting his arm around me. i smiled and we walked downstairs.

"we're going to dinner." daniel said grabbing his phone from the charger.
"you guys go ahead. i think i'm gonna take sleep."
"i'll stay" corbyn said taking off his sweatshirt.
"could i maybe be alone? you deserve time with your band mates." i said to corbyn. he sighed and nodded. i walked the boys out and locked the door. i grabbed a water bottle and laid down in my bed and drifted off to sleep.

—

they don't care about you. they pity you. you're distracting them. they don't want you.

i awoke from my sleep to the guys arguing downstairs.

"why does everything have to be about her?"
"she's our friend jack"
"you just like her corbyn"
"fuck off herron"
"we never used to fight then she comes along and suddenly all these problems start happening."
"thought you cared about her jonah"
"i do she just she's a handful."
"she has to leave."
"i cant keep pretending i care about her."
"that's fucked up guys."
"so you really care about her? when she's caused so much for us. you're stressed. we're stressed corbyn. she has to go."
"all she does is cry, complain and want attention."
"daniel if you don't shut the fuck up i swear on everything"
"you won't have anything if she keeps doing shit like this"
"she didn't do anything"
"she's here. that's something"

i walked downstairs, they all looked at me.
"you have to go" jack said. "we don't want you here." daniel said. "no one wants you here" zach said.

i ran to my room, tears streaming down my face. heart pounding. corbyn walked into my room with tears on his face.
"i'm sorry we have to do this."

—

i woke up in panic. my heart was racing. i tried controlling my breathing. i tried calling for corbyn, jonah. anyone. i got up slowly and slid into a corner of my room, crying. then i heard the door open and the boys calling my name. someone knocked. they kept calling my name. they tried opening my door. my bedroom door was locked. i heard running downstairs then coming back upstairs.

"i cant hear anything."
"she's sleeping remember."
"she doesn't lock her door."
"sage. sage it's us. are you awake?"
"go away."
i heard them all let out a sigh.
they started talking, i tuned them out and kept crying in the corner. my heart started racing again and i couldn't breathe. i harshly knocked on the wall twice. something jonah and i made up just in case something was wrong. i heard running coming up the stairs and  jonah knocked back. he opened the door and rushed to me.

"you're okay. i'm right here. slow breathes." i followed his breathing and started to calm down.
"that's good. what happened?" i took a deep breathe and slowly let it out.
"i had this dream that you guys were so mad at me. you guys wanted me to leave. you, zach, jack and daniel were saying things to corbyn and he defended me b-but you guys told me that no one wanted me. you guys said you didn't care. that n-no one did." i hugged my knees to my chest. jonah squatted in front of me, facing me, and pulled me into his chest.
"it was a dream. a really bad dream. we want you here. and we care about you."
"it felt so real. i could hear your voices raising and raising."
"i know i know. but it's not real. it won't be real."

we sat there for 10 minutes in complete silence. jonah, rocking us back and forth slowly. the others came in a few times but jonah quietly told them to get out each time. i took a deep breathe and held it for a few seconds before letting it out. i pulled away from jonah wiping my face. jonah looked at me with a small smile and hugged me.

"i'm sorry for you shirt" i said with a chuckle.
"how about we ban the word sorry or any other adjective pertaining to sorry" jonah said rubbing my back. i just nodded.  i pulled back and fixed my hair back into a pony tail. jonah stood up and put his hand out to help me up. i stood up and walked to my bathroom, jonah following. i washes my face and jonah sat on the toilet watching me.

"i think i'm going to take a shower."
"we'll be downstairs"

jonah started to walked out.
"hey jonah"
"yeah?"
"thank you. i love you"
"i love you"
jonah walked out and i turned on the water. i went into my room to get clothes, jonah thankfully closed my door. i picked out pajama pants and someone's sweatshirt and laid them on my bed. my phone dinged but i ignored it. not really wanting to see any messages.