Fallen for the Devil

1. Patient 969

~~~
Life becomes what we make of it, our choices help to define us and help build our character. The decisions we do become one in the same with us, we could be destined for something. Weather we know it or not... We are meant to do something. With how we deal with bad situations is something that can make or break us... We become what we choose. This can be our lead to glory, or our downfall...
~~~
"Patient 969, state your case." I hear from them, not entirely sure where from or who. I see a man in front of me, but it appears as though his lips aren't moving. Sweat roles down the side of my head down to my ears, I feel the droplet of water, I don't understand. Tick, Tock, Tick, Tok. The clocks strikes the time, taunting me, what does it mean? I wonder as I search the room that holds no clock, am I almost out of time, is my time going to end? It seems as though it's laughing at me, and I can't shut it out. Beep. Beep. Beep. The sound of the echoing monitor similar to one from a hospital... The ringing in my ears, Pain. The sounds that whisper that are nonexistent, Crazy. The darkness I feel and hear, Death. I feel like I'm slowly drifting away to the abyss of darkness, the emptiness... the void of nothingness... I let out a sigh, my breath feeling cold in the contained room. I didn't realize that I was actually holding my breath the whole time, as I prepare for my statement... They await looking at me, my hands are flat on the table, but it doesn't last. I'm a bit fidgety as I slowly tap on the table with different fingers, much like Morse code. I'm finally ready, with one last breath, my statement commences:
——————
"My life - has been a sin." I say bluntly.
"Every waking moment... Every breath, glance, or step I take... I'm slowly walking to my grave."
——————
I cock my head to the side glancing in the direction of those who study me. They treat me as if I'm some experiment, or perhaps a disease. And maybe they're right, maybe I am a disease; yet, I wasn't always this way... But first, let's backup a bit...
***
We spend the time playing together having a blast the joy and bliss that took us away. A daughter looking up to her father with admiration; A father looking to his daughter with a prideful gleam watching her grow. They spent the time doing a bunch of silly faces and stupid little things only a kid could find funny; yet, for some reason, the father grew amused at the child's fullness, the childish laughter and whole being. This and the other things caused them both to erupt with laughter. A laughter that echoed around the yard because of the fence, a laughter that caused you to smile even if you felt the day couldn't get any better. One that would warm your insides up with a delight that wouldn't fade. An undying smile, I ran around in circles because nothing could stop me! Though dad started to chase me, and I ran furthermore. The whole time we were laughing, oh there's nothing I'd rather be doing! This is a time when I am me. I am free. I feel the wisp of the wind glide against my cheeks, they were somewhat cooling, yet so calming. The bliss that I am enduring is so exhilarating, I can't help, but crack a smile. I love to think about nature, the beauty of it all, the beauty of this world. I inhale the steady drift of air, the one that keeps me alive, thanks to the plants of the world. I can't help but wonder about the curiosity of the world I've yet to find out, and those I can maybe solve and learn more about. The gentle nature of the grass that seems to wave at you while in the wind, the birds that sing a soothing symphony that is relaxing, and the brisk air that whistles, the warming sunlight that smothers the world facing in the direction. It's all a mystery to me, one I intend to solve. Weather or not that's right away or weather it takes most of my life... I'm willing to take that risk, I want to uncover the secrets within, I want to be remembered to maybe even make history. Life seems so simple, yet it's so complex, way more than meets the eye. And I believe that it is something that isn't all good and isn't all bad. I also believe that you should always help someone in need, because our humanity is what keeps us going, it's what truly keeps us living. And I would never, ever give that up, because being different and having these beliefs make me special...
••• Time passes•••
I have a happy life, always looking to my family with a carefree happiness, a sustaining bond. I couldn't be happier, we spent all the time in the world together, it felt never ending. Which I loved: the feeling of undying love and pure joy, the excitement, the bond, the fun and silly little moments. Sure I was a single child and never knew the life of one with a sibling, but life still remained complete. Each moment that passed, I cherished, they meant the world to me and nobody could take them away. For they would forever be stored within me, no matter what I would never let them go. But little did I know these - happy moments, the fun times together, the lightness of this family - were numbered, it would be something that would change my life forever. See I had no true idea of the challenges my family was about to face, no true idea... for I was a pure child, untouched by darkness... I continued to play with my family, clearly oblivious to the reality they were growing old - my parents that is - Still running around like a crazy obnoxious child, but I couldn't care less, for I was in a mood of happiness. It was unbreakable, I soared through the air dashing forward. I took a look back seeing my father standing further behind me. He seemed to be chasing me, but not giving it his all, he appeared to be preoccupied. Because a glimpse of a second, I saw a small frown upon his face, his lips twisted down, but for what reason I wonder. He tries to hide it from me, but I still saw it, because I see many things they don't. Sure I don't fully understand it all, but nonetheless, I do still see the things they attempt to hide. I wonder if in reality, they know that I see those things that they seem to wish kept as secrets. Or if maybe I'm just reading between the lines, maybe I'm putting the pieces together subconsciously. Guess I won't know for certain though, that is the truth, for I know that I won't be asking about those little signs. But it seemed and felt as the time flew by, my father started to grow distant. The emotions in his eyes just drained each day with a lifeless appearance; but, was once filled of every one of the good emotions — pride, happiness, love, so full of life. It was amazing to see, such beauty of the world shown through his eyes. I can honestly say that changed my view, or rather had left me with a mindset of the many good things of life.
***
It's funny how one moment, one dream, one memory can be cherished. But also, at the same time can be crushed as the darkness and all emotion is twisted. That's how it was for me. A once loving child who's positivity knew no end - yet changed by one tragic event, one which would leave her so far gone... She would never be able to find her way out of the darkness surrounding her.
***
Crying because the pain never hurt, seemingly emotionless, yet so lonesome. Little did they know by the time... the seconds, the minutes, the hours, the days, the weeks the months, the years... all of it slowly broke me. I felt a piece of my heart crack as the handle circled the clock, ticking away all time. My soul seems to have left me, or is slowly draining out of me, my very life and essence leaving. Just like he did...
***
They looked at me with confusion. How could someone be so cold? They didn't say it, but it was written on their faces. You see... she had gotten very good at reading emotions, feelings, and what people were thinking. Overall, she could read people like a book, even if they were like diaries — closed off, sealed, locked... She saw right through them. It was clear that she was smart, destined for greatness and a beneficial person who's good to the world. She could accomplish so much, there's so much that this child could one day do.
***
She closed her eyes, breathing. Concentrating. Breathing slowly, calm and steady. Thinking of the possibilities she tries to reason, go through the motion. She looks to the side glancing as she reads into them, maybe a visionary. A grin plastered upon her face, but not a genuine one, a crooked smug almost corrupt looking. She's so twisted. They think as the try to read her, try to understand how a normal girl could turn into something so psychotic. Was it pure manipulation? Deal with the devil? Witnessed a horrid event? They jot down quick notes, but while in the middle, she giggles, and starts to laugh like a maniac. This calls for concern, she interrupts there thoughts, "Oh so you may be wondering why I am the way I am." She says grinning that holds a lot of energy, negative vibes, the kind that sends chills down your back. Trying to look all 'innocent' she continues, "You know, you'd be a little messed up if you were in my position." Pausing for a breath of air, deciding if she should continue, and she shakes the feeling off, "You try having your father leave you when your seven years old." She spits out with so much venom it could cut the tension, and the doctors watch her. Unsure what to say they only exchange weird glances, amongst the many of them - which was very unusual, for they normally had one maybe two doctors for a patient - none had no idea how to react. The smile outreaching, she truly looked deserted in the eyes, her heart had seemed to mend together turning blacker than the void. Her soul was gone, that had to be the case, for she had the same reflected look of her deadbeat father, John. The look of all light having vanished within the thin air. She continued to beat on the table, not regretting a second of this time, in which she was wasting and more importantly... they were wasting. "Bloody hell." She muttered searching the room, for the clock that still pounded its existence in herself, "Well get on with it then!" She sneered disgusted at these fools thinking they could understand her. They will never understand. Not even if I explain the whole story. She hissed angrily as the pain was building, but she became accustomed to it, it no longer affected her.
***
Watching her, studying her emotions that were still within, just so dull, closed off. It doesn't make sense... they think shaking there head at her which pissed her off more, to the point that she slammed her hands flat across the table. As loud as possible, she put all force within, her nose flared pitifully, so deranged. It was obvious that she had suffered so much, but they didn't know the whole story, they didn't know the subatomic level of how she was affected.
***
"Oh yeah..." she grinned, "I suffered much through my life." She stayed so angry as she stared at them with demonic eyes telling them to back off. Her hands continuing to clench and unclench. But yet, her devilish grin that held so much grimness behind it, was a mask, or perhaps not... "There's no way you can fix me. Nobody can." Continuing her hand motions, she continues to torment them with her cruel words. She pauses her chaos that was on the outside to catch her breath, while her mind rushes one-hundred miles an hour, perhaps even a minute... Every sixty seconds. She unclenches her fists slowly - as if something were attached to her that would attack if she moved too fast - that she was holding tightly lays her hands flat on the smooth planted table. Cause she knew she needed to breath, or else she would figure out how to unhinge this table and flip it. She would break the 'unbreakable' glass - in her experience, everything has a breaking point, even those seeming not so - she interlocks her hands as her elbows rest upon the table. In. Out. In out. She commands herself internally, calm down now...
***
Time passes as she still hasn't explained to them how it all began for her - this path of misery, destruction, cruelty, etc. She pushes back a loose stand of her long brunette hair that contained somewhat reddish highlights. Her diva like attitude helps her not get attached to anyone, she cruel, demonic like, heartless. Doesn't care who's in the way, she will take her anger, pain, and other emotions out on anyone in her way. She's careless: doesn't try to hide what she does, doesn't care who's collateral, will do what she wants when she wants. She no longer feels the pain that's resided in her for most of her life, which makes her all the more dangerous. Her rigidness occurs when she's finally ready to tell her life's story - again, for this is the seventh plus time she's shared with therapists, bar tenders, more therapists. Nobody could help this broken girl, she would never truly get fixed, and she's gonna be sent down to hell for all eternity and even this damnation won't be enough to hold her. It's not severe enough of a punishment for all the suffering and damage she has caused to others.
***
It's been enough time she's wasted, she needs to go punish more people. "See, I was a young girl once..." she started as the memories started to build up again - funny how memories have the tendency to occur whenever they feel, or maybe it's a cruel awakening call, regardless... "My life was so perfect, balanced, fun-filled." She breaths out once again, "My parents treated me like I was the center of the world - which I was to them, they told me with such a pride that helped me and kept me going... You know, that delight a child has when they believe nothing could go wrong? Well... that was me." I continue to breath out stretching my legs that started to cramp up from sitting so long. I had to hit my feet against the floor, for they started to fall asleep. "But what I didn't know is how time seemed to be running out - it was underneath my nose that this was occurring - what I learned later is my mother..." A stifled drop of air escaped as it entangled all my emotions I hid back started to escape. Why is this occurring? I wonder as my thoughts seem to betray me, for I don't have the answer to my question, no clue why this was occurring... "She was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer..." I got so choked up my words trapped within, they stopped my ability to breath. This... this has never happened. Not any of the other times I've told this story. Why is this so different? I feel as though I'm drowning on my words, I try to gasp for air, which I obtain thankfully. And I continue on, "With a survival rate so low, around seven percent. It was pretty much over when she got it..." I try to release my anger that I feel, "Yet dad tried to hide the fact from me... I'm still pretty pissed about it." I hiss out so menacingly, "I was six when she was officially diagnosed with it, or perhaps younger. I was probably lied to if we're being honest..." I stack onto the rest of the sentences, muttering, "that's just like my father."
***
This felt like it was taking hours, which it probably was... I continue to breath, full of anger and annoyance, "...and prior to her death, he up and left. John left us. He left me." I couldn't stop the pouring venom whenever I said or even thought about his name, he makes me sick. "So I was forced to raise myself, at seven or eight years old. I determined, I would never forgive that bastard..." I pause having to control my anger again, "I will hunt him down like a dog and destroy him, destroy whatever life he might have created. He will be punished for his crimes." I hisses to them as they continued to write down notes, not sure entirely what, but I had a pretty good idea what - my life story and how I'm a 'danger to society' which is probably true, but I have my reasons, god forbid anyone cares to hear her out. No, she's painted as the bad guy, the villain in the book, she will be remembered as one of the worst people who ever lived. They continue to give me different looks of concern, distress, disgust, coldness, and other looks I couldn't decipher this time. If only they knew the full truth... They would be way more concerned. I snickered quietly to myself, realizing they don't know the real me.

"—But why..." One lady started to question as I whipped my head in her direction, but she started suddenly seeming scarred... You should be... I thought as a wicked grin crossed my face. She started to get quiet as the other doctors looked concerned for her, thinking I would bring wrath down on her.

Instead of lashing out at her, I decided to torment her by mocking her. "Why what?" I start, "Why did he leave me? Why am I a psycho? Why am I the way I am?" Cackling I glance at her with wrathful eyes that are so cold. The daggers were drifted in her direction, then shot towards the other doctors, telling them not to mess with me.

"N... No." She started to stuttered while shuttering, barely noticeable, but I could tell... "Why didn't he at least get social services to pick you up?" She finished seeming to get a grasp on her composure, breathing out writing notes, waiting for an answer.

Releasing a sigh, it was a good question, indeed I'll give her credit for that. Sure I was mad about my father, but he could have at least done something for his daughter who he left behind never giving a care, never checking up on, just left her and his wife behind. "I don't know..." I reply plainly, it's something that's truly stumping me. "But that's my father... John Berkeheart." Stating so all can hear, I'm sure by now they know my name, in the beginning, prior to me stating it. Or not, since I've been going under so many different aliases... Anyways, I hated the pathetic looks on all the faces of the doctors, the pity they held got me so torn with an uncontrollable rage, an anger about to burst, somewhat like a ticking time bomb. It disgusted me, the looks that I've always received, like I was so helpless and pathetic - I have never been, nor will I ever be that, which is why it bubbles under my skin, my blood boils whenever those looks are given to me. They make me want to do so many painful things to people, make me want to lash out against anyone who gives me these types of looks, and they make me want to destroy and tear apart these people... To cause them to suffer to see the change of looks before she truly finishes them off. She struggles to contain her boiling blood, the boiling anger she feels, the anger that travels all throughout her body - especially to the worst part, her hands, which can cause so much damage, so much pain, so much suffering by tearing limb to limb. Because she doesn't care for the consequences, they ever give her any kind of pity glance, she will remove it... if it's the last thing she'll do. Her hands start to quickly fold and unfold fingers only clenching partially. Veins starts to pop being clearly noticeable. Her eyebrows start to arch. Her breath heightens as her right foot - which is lifted so only the balls of her foot reach the ground - starts to shake furiously. The doctors see how they hit a nerve, they try to cool her down, but alas, they can't help... In fact, it seems as though they aren't helping, they are only doing more damage by making it worse... She's about to fully snap, which they realize so they all quickly hustle away. Scurrying like little mice trying to escape the big bad snake wishing to swallow them whole. They see her pain, and wish to help her hurt. But it's kinda hard when someone so closed off and ruthless who has anger issues erupts. Sure she's had more 'fury fits' as they call them, she's erupted before. And it certainly won't be the last, but this one was the most dangerous one they've seen in her. They fear what she might've done to someone when under going this rage that was just too far gone. They had finally figured out... That this was only one of many outbursts she's had, but they were too afraid of the possible damage she'd done and all the pain she's caused. They knew she was damaged, and was willing to destroy others to pass the damage.
***
They had written down more, still unable to figure out what triggered her to become so cruel like this, it was unidentifiable... The doctors tried to talk amongst each other trying to figure it out, still coming up empty.
***
Doctor Soren: This will certainly not be the last outburst from her, but we have to be ready. We have to figure out how to contain them before it's too late...