An Unknown Truth

        You knew he was depressed. That was a given.

        What you weren't expecting was to feel so much pain from his suffering; he hurts, you hurt. 

        You're not even sure where all this concern for him came from, much less when it developed. It's as if suddenly, one day he feels really low, and you're torn apart because there's nothing you can do to ease his pain. 

        Of course, you might be able to console him if you knew what the issue was. He refuses to tell you. You wouldn't feel so untrustworthy to him if your 'best friend' didn't know all the details. 

        "She was the reason I was in the hospital. I didn't exactly choose to go," he said with a hint of annoyance in his tone. He was kept there all weekend, and the only reason he was released from the hospital was because he promised he would attend therapy.

        "Just to help me with my depression," he told you. Vague; that's all he's been for the past week. Maybe it's your own personal issues (self-consciousness, self-doubt, low self-esteem...) that are causing you to feel so excluded from your close friends, or maybe you have a right to feel so incredibly uneasy about this. Of course you care about him, but does he not think of you worthy enough to know what's going on? Does he think you're a blabbermouth? 

        "I trust you," he tells you, "but I can't take even the slightest chance of it spreading." 

        Who could you possibly tell? Why would you ever tell anyone? 

        Uncontrollably insulted by this, you do your best to try to convince yourrself that he has perfect reason to keep it to himself. Himself and your best friend, that is. Are they the only two that know? He was at her house that Friday night. Your friend's parents and siblings must know, surely. Did he tell his other friends? You'd ask, but you don't want to seem nosy. Ha, too late for that- you're already butting in. Is it really being nosy when he's supposed to be your friend, though? 

        You want desperately to help him get on with life, but there's no way you can if you don't even understand the situation. You decide to give up trying to uncover the details, but it's hard being around your closest friends, a secret leaving you feeling completely seperate and unneeded. Unwanted. 

        So, the question is, how are you going to cope with this? Will you cope? Will you refuse to put up with it? Will he ever tell you? 

        

        We're all waiting.