FTM Problems (Transgender Problems)

ALMOST AT 20K VIEWS!!!!

I began to write this after I came out as transgender so I could find other people who related to me. Well. I certainly did. Each vote, each comment, each time someone adds it to a list, my heart fucking swells. No matter how little the action, I still adore it. Odd, huh?

I'm not nearly as active as I used to be on here, and I'm sorry for that, but I'm almost 16 now. Do you know what that means? I lived to be 13 years old. And 14. And fucking 15. I had no doubt in my mind that I would never ever turn 16. That's why this month and next are so scary for me. I'm becoming an adult-ish person now. I can hardly ever even think about myself, much less indulge in simple things like reading and interacting with others.

Things have gotten a lot worse for me honestly.

Did y'all know that TransTape is shit? It only damaged my skin and hurt me lmao.

I broke up with my ex girlfriend a couple of months ago.
I moved recently into probably the most transphobic school in my city.
I can't sleep or eat right.
This feels like a side effect of getting older in a way. But do you know one of the very, very few things that have remained constant? My pride. My confidence.

I present fully as male at school. Do I fucking care? No. I am a male.
My name is Casper.
Deadname me and I am not afraid to literally throw some fuckin' hands.

Also, I noticed a large majority of the people reading this are a bit younger trans people (obviously). That means you have either just come out, been out for a bit or are about to come out. Do you wanna know something? Not everything is perfect, and it never will be, but you can do it. Life is a bitch. It fucking sucks. The reason you are here today is because you kept breathing. Hold your breath for slightly longer than usual. Go ahead. It sucks even worse than being alive, huh? Well dying isn't fun. It's like the opposite of fun. Life can be fun if you put the right people in it. Life can be beautiful. Life can be rewarding. Life can be so fleeting though, we never even really think of it as a gift until it's almost gone. Yet, with every breath there is a promise of another, and with every beat of your heart your blood is pumping, and with every glance of your eyes you are alive. Depression is kicking my ass and it kicks a lot of people's asses too. You don't have to suffer. You don't have to be quiet or be afraid. Please, make your life better for yourself. If you see something at school that you want to do, try out! You are a great person with many great abilities! If you see someone you want to talk to, go up to them! They probably wouldn't mind a lovely conversation with you! Long story short, shoot your shot and eat ass my bois. Oh also just talk to me! I can't guarantee you will be completely cured of your depression but I'm nice I promise.

As I am writing this we are at 19.4K views. I could have never even imagined a better platform to meet so many nice people. I love each and every one of you and you are all important. That is not a doubt in my mind. Being you is litter than not being you so yeet. :)

-C.J. (Casper) I forgot what the fuck I usually put here so I'm going to leave it like this because I'm literally so fuckin lazy