Not your Uni

Summertime depression

So I didn't say it earlier but Margo is going to this school half way across the country in LA. So when I say I probably won't see her again, but we kept in contact for a little bit but then we sorta fell out. I haven't felt anything but shit and that letter is haunting me and I hate everything. I sometimes go outside but for the most part I've just been getting high and sleeping too much. Steven says I should try to get myself with some magical stuff or go see some magical things. I don't care too much though, even though I should. Life isn't real anymore, I don't feel like this is my body or am even a person, everything is a dream, or is it just the weed talking.

. . .

ping...

"Got a text from whooo..."

Margo: can u pick me up at my house

Margo: I need u to drive me to the airport

Ed: sure be there in a sec

Ed: meet u in bout 15 min

Margo: see u there

I throw on something presentable, a sleeveless black shirt with fishnets underneath adorned with jewelry of occult symbols. skinny jeans with a studded belt and some hightop blue converse. I put my hair in the shittiest messy bun ever and holler to my folks to let them know I'm going for a bit. My car is the small city type, a few years old at this point and a pretty common gray color, I get in and take the drive to her house. It's super hot, the car reads 96 degrees (for everyone else it's about 36 degrees) and the windows are down and AC is blasting. I get there soon enough and she's sitting on the lawn with her stuff, dressed real casual and waves me down.

"Heyo hoe," Margo greets.

"Aye ass, you can put your shit in the trunk, get in" I respond.

Margo puts her stuff in and hops in, gives me a quick hug and buckles in. We didn't talk much, only small talk really, she only played some stuff on her phone, it's some indie stuff. The artist was Snail Mail I think, really chill 90's-ish I would say. The drive took about an hour, with the traffic it was longer, not by much though. I pull in, park and walk her in, she's got everything, I don't think either of us wanted to ruin it with the wrong words or spoil the moment. She's about to board on so we have to say good bye, or at least I think.

"Good bye Margo, good luck in LA," my voice starts to waver at the end, we both pull into a hug.

"Bye Ed, hope you'll do good in college, find some friends maybe," her voice is brittle too. We grip tighter onto each other.

"Buh-bye Edward, see you soon," we release and we're both starting to tear up. She starts to slowly stride away from me, keeping eye contact and waving to each other. It grows more and more frantic the further we get away, until the last moment right before Margo goes through the doors. We're both shouting and giving each other air kisses, she enters through and I'm stuck, again, frozen. I walk off, stiff and go back to my car, I drive, the long way back home. No I change my mind at the last turn, I go back to that spot the last spot, the Old Witches Woods.

I get out and head over to the pond there, it's probably the coolest spot in the area. I sit down at the shore, and fine I know the truth and I know what's going to happen but I can't help it anymore. I'm such a wimp, and fuck it I cry because I'm a big cry baby with no more friends. I stay here and cry, and let it happen and calm down and relax. I go home and wallow in my room, then I nap because I'm now very tiered from crying, it takes a lot out of you. I follow that cycle for now, at least.

. . .

It's almost the end of July and I should, no need to get my act together. I can't keep living in my own little misery hole. I'm moving out on my own in about a month, yet I still act like a bratty teen who can't take care of himself. I got to get myself together, I can always make more friends or just meet people at the uni. I mean if there is magical witches, and beings there I must be some what normal for once in my life, right? It can't be too bad, but the thing is, I'm an awkward cunt, a really awkward cunt. Socializing, never, nope, doesn't happen, now going back to being an adult or trying to be and crying half the time.