Everything Left Unsaid

The Love Line (Part 1)

You know that saying "Love is blind"? I like to think that the reason we're so god damn blindnis because there's this...glaze in your eye when you're in love. It's like you get a new pair of glasses and you suddenly become so clear to me. The little things that you do seem to be not so little now. I suddenly see how you sometimes stop and stare at anything for a few minutes. I hear how you try and talk through your laughter because you wanted to make a funnier joke. I can feel the random gentle pets on my head whenever I'm near you. I feel it all. I hear it all. I see it all. I see you.

And god...I really thought you saw me too.

You see I saw that you had the same look in your eyes. The same glaze that I had. The glaze that focused on you and not the obvious.

I hoped. I really hoped and prayed to everything and evryone. I wanted so badly for it to be me. And me being the stupid girl I am, I told myself it was. I told myself your little pets was a sign and the way you'd stare my way from time to time. All my hoping made me so sure that it really was me. I was 90% sure and my hopes were soaring high- only for them to crumble, fall, and hit the ground with a loud smack.

You never saw me, did you?
You were never looking at me, were you?
No...of course not. I should've known you were looking at the one next to me this whole time.

On the day I had the courage to tell you how I felt, I asked you first to tell me who you liked. You gave me two letters in her name- both of which I had. I listed the names of all the girls, but you'd just smile. When I said my name in a joking matter, you chuckled and shrugged- a different response from the times I listed the other girls. 95% was where my hope was at that point.

Eventually, you leaned in closely. You whispered it softly, but to me it was like you yelled so loud that it made my heart shatter from the sound.

My best friend. You liked my best friend.

I swallowed the tears and faked my shock. I smiled and told you that I shipped you two, but on the inside it hurt so bad. And to make things worse, the "glasses" I had seemed to have upgraded into something more painful and heart wrenching.

I was forced to see that it was never me. You didn't treat me any different from the other girls, but with her? You treated her like she was the world. It was never obvious cause you're such a nice guy. You're a gentleman and sweet to everyone, but with her you were different. You were so much more. Whenever she talked, you listened so intently. Whenever she laughed, you would smile and watch her lovingly. Whenever you're near her, you always want to touch her. The glaze in you're eyes-the glaze I once had- were directed at only her.

And you know? These glasses are terrible. They blur a lot and I always have to wipe them. Just like now, I see them starting to blur as you stand next to her. You were blushing and scratching the back of your neck-something you always did when you were embarrassed. You said those words I dreamt one day I could hear from you and that's when the blur was too much for me. I wiped my tear and the glasses grew clear. I turned around and rushed away.

Here goes the cycle this new glasses comes with. They blur with tears, and despite helping me see so clearly, whenever these tears fall I couldn't see. Not one bit.

All I could do now was to think.
"I wish that was me."