Why does life hate me? Why do I have to be here and her there? Why does my life strew me in every direction other than the one I want to be in?
There I was laying on her grave. Her cold, dead, silent grave. I just wanted to bawl my eyes out of their sockets. But I couldn't possibly embarrass myself in front of all of these people could I? All of these poor people who had the same fate of Caroline, my dear love, my purpose for living. But I shan't leave, no!
She saved me from the place I once called home. The place I was consistently tortured, through every meal and sleeping.
I couldn't believe what * he did to her, I want him gone. I want him to suffer. He called me crazy, retarded, an idiot beyond a words possible description. I think he came about because of one person.
The man I had to call " father".
He did anything to please his friends and family. But that was only a mere disguise for his horribly disfigured ego. It was as if he had no soul, just direction.
Flashback: I was sitting on the stripped couch, but I didn't know what color it was. He yelled at me blurting the same phrase, over and over again" why can't you be normal you freak?!?!" I didn't want to hear him. But I had no choice, I was stuck in place; paralyzed. Scared beyond reason, because I knew what he was capable of. He did it to my brother, he did it to my mother, he did it to me. It was all the scars on my back, the scar along the entirety or my right cheek. I just sat and silently cried.
I got up, and looked back at the grave, and pulled out my gun and told myself without her spirit I was just the shell of a man; broken.
What led up to this point? I'll tell you, but it isn't what you would consider " family friendly"
I was walking to school, a freshman at the time. I didn't really appreciate the yellow daisies and dandelions which at the time, were spotted very couple of feet or so along the beaten sidewalk pavement. As I walked I noticed the smiling faces, and high spirits that were on my fellow classmates faces. I knew deep down inside, they were all struggling with their own lives. They had theirs I had mine.
After stopping fifteen times to count how many steps were in each block I made my way to the area right outside of the place I am absolutely petrified of, school.
I walked in as usual and waited fifteen minutes after the bell rang to walk to class so other people wouldn't touch me . Because I had savant syndrome. A "thing" causes me to be extremely advanced, and my brain processes things faster. Mr. Parker wrote down notes across the board, I wrote down the phrases in my notebook as fast as he wrote them. I knew them by memory because each time I hid in the closet from the loud screaming of my father, I would pick up different types of school books my brother had before he left. I pretty much just wrote down the notes so I would look busy and no one would try to talk to me, well in general no one did anyways because I was mute.
Class by class, the day went by as quick as it normally did but something, I mean someone caught my eye. I had never seen her before, it was crazy, I had to observe her and know about her. I could never stand it when I didn't understand everything about everyone.....so i did whatever it took to know her
I regret that I killed her not how I did it. I had to know how she would react to that pain, once she died and i got tired of the tests I put her through. I dropped her body off in a public park. She was my perfect little angel. I posed her ever so gently during the night. Once they buried her I would visit her everyday. One of the days I visited her, my father lost it. He killed my brother and mother through suffocation. She saved me, but I couldn't help but feel that I would never be able to save her again. I saved her once from this world, now all I have to really do is visit her in the next.
