You used to smile.
Oh, that smile.
The one where you would light up the room.
You would laugh until there were tears in your eyes, and then tell me how happy I made you.
The things I would do to see that beautiful smile again.
If I had know that would be the last time you would smile like that, I would have saved it, saved it in my minds eye.
Keep it safe, where no one can take it away from me.
You from me.
You said you felt scared, scared I was going to leave you.
I was right there, I was not going to leave you.
But you didn't believe me.
You wouldn't eat,
you said you felt empty either way.
Wouldn't leave your room,
our room.
You didn't sleep,
told me you thought I would leave in the night.
You were so pale,
you thought I did not hear you crying in the night.
You were dying,
and I let it happen.
I let you stay in your room.
I let your mind eat away at your soul.
Tearing you apart, until you gave up.
You said you wanted me gone.
I was so confused.
So angry.
How could you do this to me.
To us.
I left.
I confirmed your demons.
They took you into the darkness.
You sat on the floor.
You took the pills,
the ones that were supposed to help you.
You smashed the mirror with you fists.
Picked up the glass, and tore apart you beautiful body.
I came back, I only left for a couple of minutes.
Walked to the park where we met at.
Where you would smile, and tell me the meaning of each of the flowers.
How you said I made you feel whole.
Happy.
I knew something was off when I walked into the house.
It felt colder.
Something was missing.
I walked into your bedroom,
our bedroom.
I wanted to apologize.
I wanted to tell you that you were safe.
That I knew you were scared.
That I loved you.
You weren't there,
on the bed, under the covers where you stayed all day.
I ran into the bathroom.
There was so much blood.
You tore your porcelain skin apart.
Your cheeks were red and puffy, and I pulled you in my arms.
Rocked you back and forth, telling you how I wasn't going to leave you.
That you were safe.
That I loved you.
But it was too late.
I would have saved your smile.
Would have saved your beautiful smile.
fin.
