deaths touch

i was just a tipical missunderstood teenage girl from ireland.

"why me?" id ask them faintly trying hold in my sobs.

"cause its all your worth" they would say laughing at me.

i know i should of probally walked away then but i just couldnt find the strenght to even move one foot infrount of the other. they tore me apart, into little peices of dirt that they would sweep away and put into a bin with the rest of the trash. like the core of the apple they trew at me, worthless.

i stood there. looking at them laugh at me in the rain. "ay tubby" they called "ah be nice, i blame the parents, it must run in the family. like have you seen them, there all ugly fat animals." one of the girls shouted over.

i looked down at the puddle in the ground. i stared deeply into my reflection. i thought hard. then i realised what there saying is right..

CHAPTER 2

a overwelming feeling of worry came over to me as i heard that haunting sound of the lunchtime bell.

i walked into the canteine and over to the lunch line. i cued up. then i got that sense of relief when i realised the girls wernt there.

i smiled a little inside. i got to the frount of the cue and got my usual salade and water. i walked over to a table and sat down. i grabbed my fork and put a little bit of everything on it. a little bit of letuce, little bit of tamato, little bit of carrot and a little bit of the coleslaw.

i raised my head to put it in my mouth but as i did i could see the girls across the canteine.

ashley was holding her breath to make her cheaks look big and then she waddled around. as she did that the other people looked at her and then pointed at me and laughed.

i put my fork down on my tray and then waddled i suppose over to the bin. i trew my salad into it and went into the bathrooms.

i rushed in and saw all the girls fixing there makeup. i slowed down. "omg." i thought. "wow there all so pretty, look at her eyes, i wish i had them. look at her hair, its soo long and silky. look at her lips, there perfect. look at her legs, there so long. and her eyebrows, there shaped so well."

then i felt so small. i felt so ugly. i found myself quickly spurting water from my eyes like a river. i ran into a cubical and put down the seat. i sat on it and put my head down. in staired at the floor and then i slowely moved my hair back out of my face with both of my hands and sat up crying.

i squiented my eyes as i read the back of the door. it had alot of writing on it. but what a great time for me to notice what was perminataly scratched into it. "nicole ya fat lump.!.!.!"

it may sound weird but i swallowed my tears at that point. i felt something i never felt before. i think it could of been lonelyness but who knows. i could feel the black tears slowely slide down my cheak. i could feel the area around my eyes tighter as my mascara ran. i could feel a feeling like a gun shot hitting me in my gut, and my heart as i hear all those words. -ugly, fat, lump, animal and so ongo through my head

i slipped onto my knees onto the floor. i sighed as i turned arount to the toilet. i lifted up the lid and pushed myself up a bit to it. i could see the inside of it. it wasnt clean. it was actually kind of yellow. i pushed my hair out of my face again with both of my hand and the put my over the bowl if the toilet. ireached my hand the my face. i wiped my hair out of my face one more time before i stook my 2 fingures diwn my troat until i found myself gagging. it wasnt a very nice feeling but i knew it had to be done. i grasped the ring of the toilet bowl with one hand and with the other i stuck it down my neak again until i could feel the vomite squirting out over my hand and into the toliet. it was an uexplainible feeling as i saw yesterdays dinner and this morning breakfast come out of me in a diffrent shape.

i sat on the floor and leaned against the toilet. i thought, this is the new way of life for me

a few months went on and i kept doing this but i didnt feel any skinnier. they were still caling me a fat animal nothing has changed.

my mam said i look unhealthy and im too skinny but im not im still fat just like the girls said. my belly still hanged over my belt and they had no problem pointing that out to me.

after another couple of months i realised that trowing up doesnt help. so i decided to cut down on eating.

but i tryed cutting down on food and trowing up up and it seemed i was putting up weight... so for a few weeks i stoped eating.

CHAPTER 3

i stumbled out of the shower. i slowely feeled my legs turning to jelly until they suddenly can out from under me as i droped to the floor onto my knees. i felt dizzy, light headed. my eyesight was blurry. ny hearing was faint. with all my strenght i reached for my dressing gown and wraped it around me.

i was dripping wet. but i felt my upper legs falling. and my arms droping by myside as my head hit the floor and i was uncontious.

my mam said se found me on the floor and called an ambulance. i was on life suport for a month. my body failed me because i failed my body. i didnt eat so i gave it nothing. like a car with no fuel, it couldnt run. it broke down. l

but i was luckey to be alive. i put my body under serious prersure. i touched off deaths back but luckey enough he didnt turn around quick enough to catch me.

but this isnt the end of my story theres a whole other half to come.