My Guardian Angel

An Angel In My Dreams

It was last year that my best friend and I went to see five guys in concert. I know that many fans say this, but it is 100 percent true: It changed our lives, of course for the better.
If you're wondering who I'm writing to, it's an experience that I want to have with myself. I placed my diary down onto my bed before flopping on it. School was just about to end and I NEEDED a stress reliever. I end up calling my best friend over to the house. Shelby has been a fan a lot longer than I, so the news I texted her about what happened hit her harder. She knocked on my bedroom door with tears in her eyes and covered her mouth with the palm of her hand. I held her tightly and walked her to the bed, letting her cry in my arms. "Please tell me it's a joke". She pleaded. I looked down at my floor and my hands were shaking. "I'm so sorry".
For the rest of the night, we sat on the edge of the bed and cried.

Then that night, I wasn't able to sleep. I kept thinking about a lot of stuff: SHINee as a whole, the fandom, and JONGHYUN's family. I wondered what they were thinking about having to bury someone we all loved very much. I did end up watching the funeral a few days later. Seeing Kibum cry broke my heart. Knowing how close he and JONGHYUN were hit me hard. Whenever I was finally able to shut me eyes, I had a dream that would be one of the most reassuring moments of my young life and one I desperately needed.

☆  ﾟ'  ⋆ .ㅤ┏━━☁️🌙☁️━━┓ ☆  ﾟ⋆

The dream started about the time funeral ended, actually getting the chance to see them again did make me happy, but never would I have thought it would be under these circumstances. The first person in my field of vision was his mother. I gave her some flowers that JONGHYUN had picked out for her at one of the few  concerts she attended. She and I hugged each other and smiled at the memories he's brought to us. Looking over her shoulders, I saw her daughter, Sodam. I hesitated to ask for anything, knowing that she needed comfort first. She was on the ground next to his casket and was in a state of shock, as we all were. She asked one question through her tears about it that I wasn't expecting to have an answer for: "Why'd he do it?" I looked up to the sky, trying despite my eyes watering not to cry in front of her. I wasn't a family member, I wasn't any of the boys, I wasn't his mother. I felt I didn't have the right to cry. I finally looked down at her and slowly opened my mouth, but nothing comes out. It felt as if my mouth was dry or even myself being at a loss for words was the case, I still don't know. She gives me one of the tightest hugs I'd gotten from anyone. The sun was finally starting to set and the weather was getting pretty bad. The road was bumpy but somehow I was able to make myself fall asleep. My head was on Sodam's  shoulder and she watched over me. The thunderstorm is increasingly getting worse. I tightened my hand's grip on her own hand, not wanting to frighten her. She turned her attention towards me and whispered something that sticks with me to this day: "He's watching over both of us now".

☆  ﾟ'  ⋆ .ㅤ┏━━☁️🌙☁️━━┓ ☆  ﾟ⋆