Dear Grandma,
I miss you. Everybody's crying. My dad won't talk to me. Nobody smiles anymore. Why did you have to go? It seems like nobody wants me around. I want to talk to my cousins but they slam the door in my face. I try and hug my dad and tell him I love him but he just yells at me. Why are they being so mean grandma? I know they miss you. So do I. But I know you'd want us to be happy. It seems like I'm the only one who knows that. Everything is falling apart now that you left us. But I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at Cancer, and God. Why does he need you so much? Doesn't he know we need you more? I don't understand why people love him so much if he takes away the people they love. But my mom told me he took away your pain so I'm kind of okay with that. I just wish you were still here. My mom caught me crying myself to sleep the other day. She wouldn't stop hovering over me the next day asking me if I was okay. It was a little annoying but I know she's doing it because she loves me. Does it get easier? I hope it does Grandma.
*a couple years later*
I haven't forgotten about you Grandma. You're always in the back of my head. Memories of you picking me up from school. Baking my birthday cakes. It got a little easier. My dad's gotten better. But he gets moody around May and the holidays. Nothing will ever be the same will it?
There's times where I just want to scream and cry, but I know you want me to stay strong. But it's so hard. You were the number one woman in my life. You made me happy. Then god took you away from me. I want to believe in him. But sometimes I doubt him. Sometimes I think of how hard life is and how it's his fault. But my mom tells me to have faith and everything will fall into place. She says it'll get better and life will go on and how you're watching over us. But when is it going to get better? I'm tired of waiting. I just want to give up and let myself go but I know I have to stay strong for you. Every birthday gets worse Grandma. You're not here to bake my cakes anymore. I just turned 15 Grandma. 15. It's been 9 years since you've passed. I miss you so much. I love you. I don't remember most of my childhood but I do remember you and our memories. Weird huh? Maybe you were just such a major role in my life my brain wouldn't let go of the thought of you?
I have to go Grandma. I have to clean the kitchen or something.
I miss you.
~Brianna
