Nullify

| Chapter One: Pacifier |

The air separates into faint static when staring into the distance. Almost as if every individual atom bounces from the ceiling to the floor with equal measure speed and agility. These tiny, fragile orbs all but left unseen to the naked eye.

I've seen every single one since the day they died.

The whispers of faint memories cling to different surfaces around the room, random photos littering the floors, a dent in the wall from incurable frustration.

The room lacks empathy, everything feeling empty and apathetic. Plain walls with heartless paint.

Sitting up in bed, I blink the sleep out of my eyes and stare at the dull confines of my room. The large queen mattress takes up most of the space, though sleeping alone every night sure takes the necessity out of the extra width.

Stingy, I'd always insisted on going to bed on the right, not that it mattered much. He'd preferred the left in our short time together. Now, alone on my twentieth birthday, it almost seemed like a cruel dream.

I stand and stumble about towards the closet, throwing my arms out to brace my weight on the frame.

Breathe.

Clothes are pulled over my head and legs before I even truly register what's going on. Mindlessly, I jam on a pair of jeans and slink my arms through a deep blue, plaid shirt. The fabric softly flexs against my biceps and settles down into a warm hug. The perfect pick for a day like today.

Two hours.

My present for the day is a mere two hours with my best friend and I'm paralyzed at the thought of leaving before my foot even steps across the property line.

Humming under my breath, I try to hurry, grabbing a banana and walking towards the door with my purse. There's nothing I'd rather do than get the fuck out of this hellacious reminder of how lonely I am every second of every day.

Singing quietly with the radio in my car, I autopilot. It's been a month for me, but by my guess, for him, it's been a day, perhaps two.

Almost as if he lacks the will to stay conscious, whenever I come, he awakens. It is only for that time that we sit in the quiet of his private room and lay together. I'm certain there will be no balloons or songs, but a gentle hug and the same mundane conversation again. Quick formalities, a heartfelt whisper, and several more thought-provoking games to pass the time.

I roll through the course of events every time while I park. I'll step through those doors, be checked and guided down a long corridor, then the clock begins.

Step by step, everything goes according to plan.

An older gentlemen hands me a keycard from behind the counter after a friendly brunette runs a magnetic strip over my body. It shrieks a little when rolling over my jeans. "You know the rules, Ms. Torren. Nothing metallic or sharp."

I snicker beneath my hardened exterior. Yes, he's going to take my keys and stab everyone in this joint.

"I'm sorry," I whisper, wiggling a finger into my pocket and tugging out the keys. "Can I just give these to you for now?"

She nods with a bigger smile and gently tucks them in her breast pocket.

The guard that leads me through checkered halls reminds me of the Queen's Guard. He seldom speaks or even looks in your direction, standing upright with a permanent hand on his baton. Turning his back to the door, he peers down at me and nods. The only signal I have to go in.

Gripping the cold handle, I pause and glance through the small window into the dark. All but light, I can only faintly see the outline of his bed. A dark shadow of a lump resides there, with little to no detail. The shape, width, and height were the only human-like qualities noticeable.