Deep Reads

Novacane

For those of you who don't know, novacane is a drug used to numb you. I personally think in this song novacane is a drug that numbs your feelings. That girl that you would do anything for, makes you so immune to feelings like hapiness, depression, or caring. Maybe I am stupid for falling for someone that hurts me more than I would ever hurt someone in my life. I wouldn't care because i loved her, or maybe I just wanted love back. But I didn't want any elses love, I just wanted her. And then she said the words that broke me so immensely.   "I wasn't happy" and in the first part of the book I said I would want to make her happy. It wasnt long before i realised that she just stayed with me because she didn't want to hurt me. And I just thought, If i didn't make her happy, then I had to point in doing anything, since my most important priority was to make her happy, make her feel loved. But she just didn't want to hurt me. I honestly appreciated that she hid it from me because that's just a tough to talk about. But those words have been going through my mind ever since she said them. Because she made me so happy for more than a week and i had no more anxiety or sad thoughts. She kind off relived my childhood since i didn't have the greatest childhood, unlike her which had such an amazing childhood. I honestly just wanted her to be happy, so the question that runs in my mind is should I go? Should i just leave her alone and let go of these memories and feelings that have helped me just so i won't make her life worse?