The Mock Turtle's Story
Alice got into the beautiful garden at last, but she had to nibble a bit of the mushroom again to bring herself down to twelve inches, so as to get through the little door. It was a lovely garden, and in it was the Queen's croquet-ground. The Queen of Hearts was very fond of ordering heads to be cut off. "Off with his head!" was her favourite phrase whenever anybody displeased her. She asked Alice to play croquet with her, but they had no rules; they had live flamingoes for mallets, and the soldiers had to stand on their hands and feet to form the hoops. It was extremely awkward, especially as the balls were hedgehogs, who sometimes rolled away without being hit. The Queen had a great quarrel with the Duchess, and wanted to have her head off.
After the game of croquet, the Queen said to Alice, "Have you seen the Mock Turtle yet?"
Said Alice. "I don't even know what a mock turtle is."
"It's the thing mock turtle soup is made from," said the Queen, "and he shall tell you his history."
They came upon a gryphon, lying fast asleep in the sun.
"Up, lazy thing!" said the Queen; "and take this young lady to see the Mock Turtle. I must go back and see after some executions I have ordered."
Alice and the Gryphon had not gone far before they saw the Mock Turtle in the distance, sitting sad and lonely on a little ledge of rock, and, as they came nearer, Alice could hear him sighing as if his heart would break.
"This here young lady," said the Gryphon, "she wants for to know your history."
"Once," said the Mock Turtle at last, with a deep sigh, "I was a real turtle. When we were little, we went to school in the sea. The master was an old turtle - we used to call him Tortoise."
'Why 'Tortoise', if he wasn't one?' Alice asked.
"Because he taught us," said the Mock Turtle angrily: "really you are very dull!"
We had the best of educations. Reeling and Writhing, of course, to begin with, and then the different branches of Arithmetic - Ambition, Distraction, Uglification, and Derision."
"I never heard of 'Uglification,'" Alice ventured to say.
"Well, then," the Gryphon went on, "if you don't know what to uglify is, you are a simpleton."
Alice said, "What else had you to learn?"
"Well, there was Mystery," the Mock Turtle replied, counting out the subjects on his flappers - "Mystery, ancient and modern, with Seaography; then Drawling - the Drawling-master was an old conger-eel, that used to come once a week; he taught us Drawling, Stretching, and Fainting in Coils. The Classical master taught Laughing and Grief."
"And how many hours a day did you do lessons?" said Alice, in a hurry to change the subject.
"Ten hours the first day, nine the next, and so on."
"What a curious plan!" exclaimed Alice.
"That's the reason they're called lessons," the Gryphon remarked; "because they lessen from day to day."
"That's enough about lessons," the Gryphon interrupted, "Tell her something about the games."
The Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and drew the back of one flapper across his eyes.
"Would you like to see a little of a Lobster Quadrille?" said he to Alice.
"Very much indeed," said Alice.
"Let's try the first figure," said the Mock Turtle to the Gryphon. "We can do without lobsters, you know. Which shall sing?"
"Oh, you sing!" said the Gryphon. "I've forgotten the words."
So they began solemnly dancing round and round Alice, every now and then treading on her toes, and waving their fore-paws to mark the time while the Mock Turtle sang this, very slowly and sadly.
"Will you walk a little faster?" said a whiting to a snail,
"There's a porpoise close behind us, and he's treading on my tail.
See how eagerly the lobsters and the turtles all advance!
They are waiting on the shingle-will you come and join the dance?
Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the dance?
Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you join the dance?"
"Now, come, let's hear some of your adventures," said the Gryphon to Alice, after the dance.
So Alice began telling them her adventures from the time when she first saw the White Rabbit. After a while a cry of "The Trial's beginning!" was heard in the distance.
"Come on!" cried the Gryphon. And, taking Alice by the hand, it hurried off.
"What trial is it?" Alice panted, as she ran, but the Gryphon only answered, "Come on!" and ran the faster.
