Embracing Elysian

chapter 1

The sound of him coming home is deafening. The jingle of his keys and the turning of the door handle leaves a metallic taste in my mouth that I can't seem to swallow.

I stare into the open space of a bed once full. Once occupied by the man who loved me and now occupied by numbness. His numbness. He stopped feeling my love a while ago, he stopped feeling anything a while ago.

I tried.

But he no longer smiled because I did. He didn't laugh at my jokes, he didn't say thank you for dinner. He stopped helping me with the dishes. I used to stare into his eyes and find him, and that's how I know he's lost. He can't even see himself anymore.

I hear the creak of the wood right before our bedroom door and shut my eyes in discontent. He used to wish I was awake.

He stands at the doorway for a moment. Odd.

My skin starts to crawl as if he's looking at me.

He slowly scoots towards his closet and starts rummaging around, quieter and slower than usual. I take a shallow breath, stopping myself from running out of this bed, straight into his arms, telling him everything will be okay.

His wounds can't be healed by my kisses, and he stopped hoping they would work too long ago for them to work now.

So I keep my eyes shut and I listen to his breathe to calm myself. He's fine, he's alive. He's okay without me.

My breathe hitches as his steps near. He stands on my side of the bed and his presence so close is almost irresistible. Almost.

He kneels beside me and his hot breath hits my red tipped nose and his hand finds my shoulder.

"I love you," My eyes shoot open, my eyebrows crunched into confusion. He stumbles slightly.

"I. I didn't think that you.... ah," he scratches the back of his neck," I didn't mean to wake you."

I continue to stare at him, baffled. I open my mouth to talk, and then shut it again. The words won't come together to form a sentence. It's like a chorus of voices are screaming at me to say something and I can't hear any of them.

His expression goes back to normal. That lingering love I saw in his eyes disappeared so quickly it's like I never saw it, and he turned his back on me again. "Go back to bed."

I couldn't comply. I stared as he opened the door, as he went through it, and as he shut it. I stared at the door until the walls started to move and my eyes started to drip, and I held myself as I cried to sleep.

I wake up with a start and grasp at the sheets next to me.

He's not there. He should be here by now.

My legs move before my mind does as I rush towards the door, searching every space of our apartment. He's not in the living room, hes not in the dining room, hes not here, hes not there.

He's gone.

I stop for a moment, I try to compose myself and think. I take a seat on the couch.

He was acting weird. He just stood and he stared at me, and he was going through h- I should've known. I should have known.

I rush for his closet and find it half full. His suitcase is gone with my sanity and I can't do anything but listen to the silence he left. I close my eyes, I take a breathe. Everything is okay.

Everything is okay.

Everything is ok.

It's okay.