Goodbye Summer

Her

Through Kaycee's eyes. The last chapter. 

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She didn't know exactly when she became aware.

Maybe it was when she first noticed that he lost the baby fat on his cheeks, highlighting his dimples. Maybe it was when he was carrying her on his back after she sprained an ankle, noticing he got so much taller and stronger. Or when he held her inside his embrace that one summer night when she delivered the news that Kino died, assuring her that he will never leave her. Or maybe, it was the time he first held her hand, interlocking his fingers with hers, when she got cat-called and he had effectively shut them up with his protective gesture.

Maybe it was the little things –him wiping her mouth when she tended to be messy while eating, bringing her lots of water and food during her practices, tucking a loose strand behind her ear, or him just simply being there, silent while her mind wandered somewhere.

She normally doesn't care about romance, sometimes disgusted by it at some point when she witnessed some of her friends becoming fools because of it. But it doesn't mean she doesn't see what was in front of her.

It was just that, in front of her was her best friend.

And so she pushed the thoughts into the deepest recesses in her mind whenever she noticed these things. She had successfully shrugged it off then, solidifying the mindset that these are out of pure friendship on his part. What used to make her notice him became what she thought to be part of the norm in their friendship.

But the kiss made her aware again. The moment that they both parted from each other, she was well aware of the foreign pace her heart was beating. All she could see was him, all of him, in front of her. She recalled their small fight and how he, moments prior, was scared to death realizing she was walking home alone. And she also saw how at that moment he took a step back and justified his action.

Sure, she had immediately dismissed the situation as nothing, that it was ridiculous for his best friend to do that other than to make Jevohn Gentry back off.

But she lied awake that night –thinking of the kiss, thinking of him, thinking of what it really meant. What it really meant for her. She remembered shaking her head violently then, chastising herself because of the direction that her mind was going.

She couldn't be noticing her best friend like that because he wouldn't think of her like that as well. Or would he? Her encounter with Gentry the same week propelled her to face the situation.

She went to his house in the middle of the night, half-prepared to talk to him and also to prove to herself that she was really thinking real stupid about the possibility of liking him.

But seeing him in a state of undress and her body and mind's response confirmed that she was, in fact, physically attracted to Sean Lew. She had swallowed hard and recovered in split second, temporarily shoving the idea away, and yet she couldn't help herself. She had snuggled beside him, basking in the warmth of his embrace and trying to find the right words to ask him. She felt the distance that they had those days and she couldn't deny that she might have done it purposely, just because she didn't know what to say to him yet or what she would do the moment she faces him. She dreaded that her kissing him back despite of the pretense might have scared him away.

So she had to ask, and she was relieved that he didn't think too much about it. Yet she didn't know why she felt it was hard to breathe when he said the next words; she could only just accept it and bury herself in his arms while pushing back the forming tears in her eyes.

Stop it, Kayc, she remembered telling herself silently. You're being stupid.

The day of the showcase wasn't any better. She realized she was being dependent on Sean, on his presence, more than her own brother who came with her for support, just like the many times she craved for his presence and support in every big event. His genuine care for her was a big presence in her life, she sometimes didn't know what to without it, without him.

Unconsciously she had been looking for him all night, just to be with him, and she felt she could breathe again the moment they began their dance.

That was the first time she felt a nervous mess in front of her best friend. He looked so handsome that night, his gaze gentle on hers, his touch sending tingles down her spine. She had stared at him, studying his actions and really listening to his words, and hope blossomed in her chest because maybe, she's not stupid after all.

That maybe, he is feeling the same way she is feeling.

"Sean. What is this?" she had asked, her emotions heavy on her chest, hoping to hear what she wanted to hear.

You're more than just a best friend to me, Kayc. She had hoped to hear those because then she would be brave enough to face the uncertainty that was in her heart.

But he didn't. Air had ceased her chest as she fought the oncoming tears that were threatening to expose everything she was feeling.

You're delusional, Kaycee, she told herself. You're delusional in giving meaning to everything. He won't ever see you that way.

And so she made a hasty decision just to forget, and the rest was history.

Now, tears dropped onto the photos creatively arranged on a scrapbook on her lap, her chest shaking, as she put her fist against her lips, careful for her sobs not to be heard.

She was on the plane to New York, clutching the scrapbook on her chest as she cried, gaze through the window.

"Kaycee."

She turned to the voice of Miya Lew, who was standing beside Cheuk, and instantly, her eyes watered as she gave her a weak smile. She was about to enter the boarding gate, and her parents and Josh was standing to the side.

"I have something for you," she said, giving her a rectangular box. "Open it later. Sean made it, and he wanted me to give it to you."

Kaycee felt herself grow weak, taking a shaky breath as she held the box.

Miya stood there, silently observing the girl, noticing how broken she looked like. Just like her son.

"Kaycee, dear," she started, taking her hand. "Sean...he might not be able to tell you how he felt for you all this time, but I want you to know...he loves you so much, Kaycee. He's thinking of you always, of how you will feel, of how your friendship will go the moment he'll confess. I know he should have just told you, but he had always put you first," she said.

A tear rolled down Kaycee's cheek, and she looked up at Miya as the latter wiped it with her thumb. "I don't know how fate is going to work, but if you're meant for each other, it's going to happen," she said, and she held her tight with an embrace. "Take care in New York, okay? We'll see you soon."

Kaycee continued to cry as her sobs burned her throat. She looked down at the last photo again –a top view of her and Sean sleeping on the couch, her tiny frame cradled by his long arms. Underneath it was Sean's elegant script: I will always love you, Kayc. I'll see you soon.

Tears fell on her cheeks, and she's now uncaring as sobs slipped from her lips, her thumb grazing on Sean's face on the photo.

She guessed she has to leave it to fate. Right now, she'll carry memories of him, of them, and how it would as she says goodbye to summer. 

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Author's Note

Next chapter will be the epilogue. 

Once again, thank you for reading this story. It means so much to me :) I will explain the reason why this story was written this way next chapter. 

I love to read your thoughts and comments! :)