Addicted

Chapter Two

        Mother, where are you today?  You took a piece of me the day you went away.  Mother, where are you today?  Please just listen to the words I have to say.  You weren't the best, but then again, neither was I.  Yes it's true that you've made me want to die.  I love you.  Yes it's true.  After everything you've put me through.  I will always love you.

Chapter Two:

        You stare out the window, and gaze up at the stars.  The midnight blue sky made your heart flutter.  You always pictured standing in an open meadow at this time of night.  For some reason the thought of doing that made your heart beat with excitement.  The feel of the grass tickling your feet as a gentle breeze blows.  The chirps of the crickets and the slight 'hoo' of an owl in the distance.  This was your happy place.  This was where you went mentally whenever she yelled at you, whenever she would hit you.

        The sounds of your mothers sobs could be heard from all the way down the hall.  It made your heart clench tight every time you heard her cry.  Especially because it was all your fault.  Everything was your fault.  If you had never been born none of this would have happened.  That's what you thought, anyway.

        You close your eyes, a hopeless attempt to fall asleep.  Your birthday was tomorrow, you were turning eleven years old.  You sighed and opened your eyes, unable to sleep.  You glanced at the clock.  

        1:00 am.

        You groaned and rolled over to your left so you were facing the wall.  You wince in pain as you tuck your left arm underneath yourself.  Your cuts hadn't fully healed yet.  In fact, some of them were freshly done.  You looked at your arm in the darkness, barely able to make out the red lines across your wrist and forearm.  

        A sudden urge overcame you.  Again.  You had to do it again.

        You hesitated for a moment before getting up from your bed.  You tip toed over to your closet, careful not to make a sound.  Clothes hung from your closet.  They were organized by season, then by color.  You looked through your clothes until you came across a big, black, baggy sweatshirt with a big pocket in the front of it.  You took it off the hook and reached carefully into the front pocket.  Your finger grazed the tip of the knife and you pulled it out.

        The knife glistened in the moonlight.  It was almost as if it was calling out to you.  Beckoning you to use it.  You looked at it for a moment before returning it to where you found it.  Not tonight, you thought to yourself.  

        You crawled back into bed and snuggled underneath the blankets.  You closed your eyes feeling the warmth of the blanket surround you.  It was almost like someone was giving you a big, tight hug.  

        Your thoughts began to race as you tried to fall asleep.  You couldn't believe it had been a week since you tried running away.  It amazed you how far you went, and how well you prepared for it.  But that, that was another story.

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        "Are you listening?" Janice asked you kindly.

        Your eyes snap open and you're brought back to reality.  You sigh and rest your head against the car window, watching the other cars drive past you.  You could never control when the flashbacks hit you, they just came.  You hated them.