Brittle Roses, Bright Days

First and Foremost

The day turned to dust, as my head hits the rocky pavement. I can't hold on any longer. My life's a mess, my hair's a wreck. What happened to me? A puddle nearby gave me an answer, I had taken my grief to another level. Years prior, my grandfather, the only man who cared, passed away. I cried that night, no, I weeped a flood. A flood which broke the dam in my sunken heart. It was too much. The line was drawn, my heart turned to stone. I grew tired of waiting, I had to fix this, I had to fix me. I picked myself up, got on my feet, looked above, and the sun pierced my eyes. I saw nothing, nothing but darkness. But in that very moment, I was happy. I couldn't see the tortuous world before me.

I woke up in a hospital room the next morning or evening. I couldn't tell. "Miss, may we know who you are? You left no ID", a calm voice soothed me from my troubles. "Jane, Jane Kim", I muttered underneath my weakened breath.

"Jane Kim... oh, you're Korean. Your English is pretty good", the woman, who I assume was the nurse spoke, as she jotted down my name on a piece of paper. Or was it a notebook, I'm not sure.

"I'm only half-Korean though. Thanks for taking me in", I gave her a slight grin and reared my naive head to the side.

"No problem, happy to be of service", I heard her footsteps make their way in another direction. The pitter patter of my IV shifted my attention to the creaking of my door. Even without my eyes, I could sense the world around me. It was cold, freezing, about twenty degrees celsius, I suppose.

My eyes felt like they were burning, I must have popped a vein as I fell. I should've died, I should've just let my body give in. Why was I such a fool?! A fool, a fool, a f-

A kind figure entered the door and asked if I'd like a glass of water. It pulled me from my self-deprication for the time being. Thank heavens!

I could hear the footsteps coming closer and closer and there. There he was, holding up a stethoscope to my chest. "Your heart has been beating terribly fast. Do you have any complications?", the mysterious man spoke in a thick English accent. "No, I'm just a bit nervous", I shook at his wondrous syllabication. "And you are?", I added. "Waylon Kim, and yours?"

A dart, one long black dart had passed through my fragile heart. There he was, my own father, treating me for whatever illness I had. "J-Ja-"

"Yes-", he paused as I answered.

"Jane. I-it's me, dad", tears were rolling down my eyes. For the longest time, I've been cold. Now, my lost father stood before me with a question mark above his head. "Dad?"

He seemed puzzled. "It's me, you don't remember now, do you?"

"I don't even have a wife", he remarked.

"You really don't remember me, don't you? Dad!"

I could feel my neck vibrate, tears rolled like pearls and I began to sweat. He's gone isn't he, he's gone and he's never coming back.

"I thought you would come back, I thought you would finally remember, but you don't."

I don't know how in God's green earth I had the strength to stand, but I got up on both feet. Stood from the hospital bed and slapped my own father in the face. "How dare you?!"

I walked away from the scene to avoid any confrontation. I had no idea where I was going, but as long as I wasn't in that room, that dreaded room, I'd be satisfied. "Patient 208 has gone missing. Report back to the office, if you've seen her."

The announcement came from the PA system. It ringed in my ears like a bell. "She's around the age of sixteen, tall, brunette, and is legally blind."

"Aaah", I screamed, having tripped on one of the tiles. Before my face could meet the cold hard concrete floor, an arm caught my falling body. His arm was lavender scented and I knew he was a doctor, because of his soft and often white coat. "Thank you", I burst out a tear.

"J-Jane, its you!"

The man hugged me with all his might. "I'm so sorry, I couldn't remember. I've been like this for years. Thank god, my baby girl's back!"

He squeezed my thin body even tighter. "Its okay, dad."

By the end of the day, my dad decided to take the week off as he had been working nonstop. We had the best time of our lives. He would start bringing me to school and I stayed with him for a while, before he was finally met face-to-face with my mother again. There were no words to describe how happy mom was. All I could say is that, I knew he'd find a way home. All it took was a blind kid to help him see his family again.

Years passed and mother died of a heart complication, she passed away in her sleep of a sudden heart attack. My father and I were the only two left and I felt as if I had been torn into pieces. Torn apart by my grief, but my dad was there. I was grateful he was still there.

Today, father layed his head on a soft hospital pillow. I gave him his breakfast. Fruits and bacon was his favorite combination. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!"

My father cried for the first time in many years. "It's alright", I held onto his cold hands. "You don't have to apologize for what you couldn't control."

His eyes fluttered at the sight of the fluorescent lights above him. "You know, kid. You and your mother had always been so kind to me. I wish I had more time."

"Me, too", I chuckled as tears streamed down my face. "Jane, please turn off the lights. I'd like to see the pearly gates."

"Sure, dad."

I turned off the lights and as I sat there, on a chair next to my father. I watched as dad closed his eyes and prayed. He prayed a million prayers, sang a million hymns, hoping for a future, I supposedly deserved. The moonlight shone through the room and father spoke one last time, "You are and always will be beautiful, don't forget that. You are my rose, my love, and most importantly, my daughter."

"I'll keep you in my memories. I hope you have a safe trip", I clasped his wilting hands in my arms. And I saw him squint and shut his eyes completely. I pecked at his forehead with a little kiss and waved goodbye. In his death, he brought me hope, hope in becoming better, hope for the future.

Snow made its way, covering the window as I watched as the day passed. It was a very tragic Christmas as some may say, but he was there and now, he will always be here.