Torn - An SVU Olivia Benson Fanfiction

( Olivias P.O.V )

        I woke up on a Monday morning, wondering if I should call in sick. I'm not feeling well, but I don't know if it's sick enough to stay home. I guess I'll go in and then if I get any worse, I'll leave. 

 When I left my warm, fluffy sheeted, clean smelling bed, it was 4:30 In the morning. My usual time that I wake up. I walked into my bathroom and looked in the mirror. I looked like I got hit by a truck. I shrugged and pulled up my shoulder length dark brown shiny hair into a quick pony tail, So I could brush my teeth. I grabbed my tooth brush and got it wet with cold water, adding fresh mint toothpaste. I started brushing my teeth and looked up into the mirror again. I just saw all of my flaws. Every single one. I'm 50, I have sunken eyes, gross lips, my hair is a mess, my life is a mess. I'm single, I have no kids, I can't have kids, My partner for 13 years left me without saying goodbye. I had no reason to be here. But then I thought of all of the people that need me. Rape victims, People that are being beaten. I need to stop with the self pity, I mean others have it worse right? The start of a usual Monday. I finished brushing my teeth and stripped off my clothes. I looked down at my now bigger body. I frowned and rubbed my stomach. "Not my best days." I said deeply.

        I turned the shower handle to the hottest temperature. I liked my showers scolding. It helped me, It made me feel like all of the gross things that have happened over the years, are slowly melting off. I washed my hair with my favorite shampoo. I washed my body with my soft white washcloths and bar soap. I loved the tight feeling your body gets from the soap residue. It made me feel, I don't know, clean. Usually I would rinse off and get out of the shower, but this time I didn't. I sat down on the Little bench I have inside of my shower that folds up and down. I just sat their. Debating life. What I had done. I told myself enough and rinsed off. I turned off the shower, and grabbed a soft warm towel, drying myself off. I wrapped the towel around my body, looking in the mirror once more. "Wow. Bad hair day today huh?" I said to myself. I tousled my hair with a hand towel to dry it a little bit. I grabbed the hair dryer and got my hair at least a little bit more dry. I put my hair up into a pony tail, not wanting to curl it. I mean, It is a Monday right? I applied little eyeliner, mascara, and eye shadow. I then put on my favorite lip balm and rubbed my lips together. "Hmph." I mumbled.

        I put on the clothes I put on the bed before I got up to take a shower. Black slacks, a purple collared button up shirt, and a black jacket. Not forgetting to put on my 14 karat gold necklace labeled "Fearless". I smiled as the cold gold tag touched my neck. Reminding myself I am OK. I am getting better. I slipped on black socks and put on black boots that had a little bit of a heel. Not to much, just in case I had to run. I've kind of mastered that. 

        It was now 5:30 and I needed to get going. I walked out of my apartment door, locking it behind me. I walked to the office. I got their, greeted by Amaro, Rollins, Fin, and Munch. I walked into my office, that was now mine. I was Sergeant Olivia Benson. I unlocked my office and sat down in my chair for a little bit. Rollins brought me coffee.

 "Hey Liv. Mornin. I brought you coffee. Just how you like it." Rollins winked.

"Thanks Amanda, anything called in yet?" I asked

"Yea! Someone for you, actually. Here's the number, hold on, it's at my desk. They asked if you could call them back. Said their name was Brian and you'd know em?" She handed my a sticky note with a phone number.

"Huh. I guess I'll give the number a call. Thanks Rollins. Now check to see if any reports have come in."

"Alright! Will do." She exited my office.

I exhaled, not knowing what Brian still wanted from me. I dialed the number on my phone slowly, thinking if I should actually call him back.

"Hello? Cassidy."