The Girl I Used to Know

CHEERS

Around this same time, I started to see alcohol as something adults did to have fun. I didn't see its negative side. Just that my dad was either funny/mean when he was intoxicated. My older sister, Jocelyn was 15 at the time and had started seeing alcohol at friends' parties. She wanted to see what it was like and sometimes tried some at home.

Up to this day, I can still remember the face she made the first time she tried it. She HATED it. Almost to the point of throwing up. To this day, she still hates it and very rarely do you ever see her drunk. SO when she is....capture the moment, hold on to it and remember it forever. I tend to take pictures so I never forget.

On the contrary, I have alcohol in my blood. It flows through my veins and occasionally reminds my brain of its necessity. Jocelyn was the first person to let me try tequila and vodka. I was proud of myself for being able to drink it so fast and without a chaser. I also took great pride in the fact that I could handle my liquor more than most people..... including Jocelyn. Truthfully, it was probably because my sister weighed and still weighs about 100 lbs, meanwhile I weighed about 150 lbs AT LEAST.

During the week, my body is perfectly fine but just as soon as Friday comes crawling around......I get excited. I get an urge to go out, have fun and occasionally drink. I tend to say that I don't need alcohol to have fun but the truth of the matter is that it really does make everything better.

I always knew that this is how I'd end up. My family is made up of first class drinkers and I learned all my tricks from them. My dad is such an alcoholic that he literally needs liquor to survive. It's sad. It's actually really sad and I hope to never end that way but I understand him. Liquor makes me happy and it helps me forget. I forget everything but as soon as I go one drop overboard, the memories come back.

The memories from that summer come back to haunt me.

I cry as soon as I remember.

I feel it again.

I scream. Because I never had the chance to.

I scream and tell everyone.

But only because in my right, sober mind, I never did.

I never will.

So cheers!

Cheers for those awful nights I try everyday to forget.

Cheers for the secret that only few people know. (accidentally)

Cheers for my fake smile everytime I say I'm ok.

Cheers for the tears I left back in Spain.

& lastly Cheers to me for overcoming the pain.

Or so I suppose.