That time I got rejected three times on the same day!

Chapter 21

We walked back in silence. Lorenzo knew when to talk and when not to talk. The chime of the school bell was still ringing in my ears. The 5th and 6th periods were English. We were almost at the staircase, when I saw Ms.Hockney waddling up the stairs. I guessed she was in her late 40s. She had really let herself go and her whole body was suffering for it. She always complained about her knees and I was told that last year she had been out for almost six months after knee surgery. She was also often sick. On those days the senior English teacher, Mr. Bishop, would take our classes. I liked Mr.Bishop. He didn't treat kids like they were stupid and covered really advanced material with us. The rest of the class had trouble, but I loved every minute of it. I looked forward to Ms.Hockney being ill. She was struggling up the stairs and we climbed past her, two stairs at a time.

"Good afternoon Ms.Hockney," we said.

She was breathing hard.

"Afternoon kids."

I saw her carrying a CD player. It was going to be another one of those classes. I don't know why Ms.Hockney decided to become an English teacher, because most of her classes revolved around listening to music lyrics. As much as I disliked her, she had impeccable taste in music. She loved Jazz and would tell us stories about her past career as a singer. She was another one of those musicians who never made it. I felt bad for her. I knew what it felt to love something, but being unable to have it.

She shut the door behind her and lifted the CD player onto the desk.

"Okay class," she said. "We are going to do something really fun today."

An audible groan came from the other kids. Everyone knew what a 'fun day' meant.

"Oh stop it. It's not that bad."

She turned on the CD player and sat down heavily at the desk. The music began to play. I heard violins followed by a flute, then a female voice.

"Old man sunshine..."

I didn't recognise the song, like much of the music Ms.Hockney brought in, but the lyrics resonated with me. When it finished she started handing out printouts of the lyrics, an article about the song, and a biography of the composer.

"Please form groups of two and discuss the song," she said.

Lorenzo sat in front of me. He turned around immediately and put his pencil case and printouts on my desk.

"Hey man," he said.

"Hi."

He started reading the printouts, I did the same. The song was titled 'But not for me' and was composed by George Gershwin with lyrics by his younger brother, Ira Gershwin. Ms.Hockney had given us 15 minutes to read and discuss the song. Lorenzo didn't have much to say except 'We should listen to some real music, not this gringo music."

Ms.Hockney got up in front of the class.

"Can anyone tell me what this song is about?"

Sarah's hand shot up, the other kids called her Ms.Jones-knows-it-all. She always had an answer for everything and was top of the class in exams.

"Yes Sarah?"

"It's a love song miss."

Ms.Hockney looked at her lyrics printout.

"It is, but it's not a normal love song. Can anyone tell me why?"

Sarah didn't have an answer for this one. The rest of the class was quiet. Ms.Hockney cleared her throat. The sun was already on its western descent. Bright light filtered in through the windows. I thought I saw Ms.Hockney tearing up, but I wasn't sure.

"It's a song about love and loss," she said. "Depending on the lyrics and singer, both the male and female versions are about love going wrong. In Ira Gershwin's book he places both 'But not for me' and 'The man that got away' into a category he called 'Ladies in Lament'."

She raised a hand to her face.

"Hmmm, I think I have something in my eye," she said. "Continue with your analysis. We are going to do another song in the 6th period."

Ms.Hockney returned to her desk and wiped her eyes with a tissue.

The next hour followed at much the same pace until the cheap plastic showed 2:30pm. As much as Mr.Devlin tried to keep it on time, the clock refused and within a week was 15 minutes late again. Kids were already packing their things away and waiting for the electronic chime. For some reason our school ended at 2:45pm. I didn't really know why, it was just another quirk of our strange timetable. The beginning of school and the end of a school had a unique sound which was different from the usual ringing sound it emitted during the day. The tune in the morning was that of the beginning of the Australian anthem, and in the afternoon it was the last refrain of the anthem. I thought it was poetic. Ms.Hockney always made us stand up and wait for the tune to end before we were allowed to leave. After that kids disappeared quickly. Nobody wanted to wait around and everyone wanted to go home. Lorenzo turned around and reached out his hand. I grabbed it in a firm shake.

"See you tomorrow man," he said.

I wasn't so sure I wanted to come in tomorrow. Mother allowed us two 'sick' days a semester and I think I was going to use one for tomorrow. I wanted a day to rest and heal.

"Sure," I said. "See ya maate."

Lorenzo pointed a single pistol hand at me, grinning widely.

"See ya maate."

He didn't wait around. All the kids were gone and the only two people left were Ms.Hockney and I.

There was a question I wanted to ask her, something I thought she knew better than anyone else. I put on my bag and walked to her desk.

"Miss Hockney?"

She looked up.

"Yes Henry?"

"I have a question miss," I said.

She was filing away papers and packing her bag.

"Yes?"

"What is love?" I said.

She stopped clearing away her things and placed the lyric sheet of 'But not for me' on the table.

"Why do you ask?" she said.

I was fidgeting a little. I couldn't help it.

"I thought you might know miss," I replied.

She let out a sigh.

"Love is loss Henry. Love is feeling you get when you hold something so dear that you couldn't live without it, but then lose it."

"Can you love without loss miss?"

She looked out the window.

"I don't think so Henry. I don't think so."

Ms.Hockney didn't look like she was in the mood to talk.

"Thanks miss," I said, walking to the door.

I stopped. Without turning around I spoke.

"Does it hurt miss?"

I heard her sobbing.

"More than you know Henry."

I left the classroom. There was nothing I could do for her. There was nothing anyone could do for her. I also knew where I had to go, and what I had to do, and I wasn't looking forward to it.