the pain of existence

part 1

2 grade me was happy kind loving and then the billing came to 6th grade I had developed depression and anxiety my mom found out beacose I had a panic attack about not having my back pack I didint think it was vadbi thought every one felt the need to be in control and organized and have everything they needed until I realised it wasint I was put on pills they helped kinda I'm still on them. Now to 7th grade I didint feel that depressed I guess when I got to my new school on the 3rd day of school I met a freind her name is diamond she's the best freind I could have ever asked for I'm still freinds with her today thank God. Any ways further in the year I  found out I was gay I liked this girl but nothing happend. Then my depression got worse I lost sight of who cared about me and I pushed them away one day I desited I didint eat lunch. My stomach hurt and I was cranky but I did it again the next day by the third day I started shaking and I didint have a steady hand. Now to 8th grade the one I'm currently in I liked this girl I began to trust her but the trust wasint like any other I developed feels she did not my depression is something I can. Not define but in like any other crush she was different  I would shrug of it if I was rejected but i can't and it feels like my only hope has been torn away from me