The Uries (The Urie's Daughter Adopted By Brendon Urie) Book 2

Hear Me

Trigger Warning: Eating disorder and cutting

Ryleigh
"What?"Dallon asked as he looked at me with a concerned and confused look on his face. "Oh, that wasn't directed at you. Someone walked past me complaining about how their feet hurt,"I lied and then gestured toward my cast as an explanation to why I was suddenly so pissed. "You sure you're okay?"he asked as he made to feel my forehead. "Yes, Dallon, I'm fine,"I snapped. He looked hurt and I instantly felt bad.

"I'm sorry,"I said as I glanced down. "It's fine,"he said and we trailed into awkward silence. The waitress brought the bill back. It was so expensive. I felt bad for that, too. "If you weren't so fat, you wouldn't have spent so much of their money,"the voice yelled at me. I rolled my eyes as I climbed in the car. We went home and I watched Paranormal Activity with Dallon the rest of the afternoon. Tyler and Josh stopped by to check in on me. I would leave for Pete and Meagan's tomorrow. I'd stay there two days then I would be with Tyler and Josh over Christmas.

Breezy made soup and grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner. I forced down every bite, despite the voice in my head screaming, and excused myself to my room where I laid down. Dallon came in at one point because I saw the light from the hall shining in. I pretended to sleep. I wasn't in the mood for conversation. I got up after I was sure they were all asleep. "Yes, do it!"the voice in my head hissed. I stayed silent and entered the room. I locked the door. They still didn't know about my relapse.

First, I found a toothbrush and shoved it to the back of my throat. It did the trick and everything I ate, came back up. It burned but I never felt better. "See! That wasn't so hard!"the voice cheered happily. I stood straight up. I had been bending over since I couldn't sit on my knee with my cast. I rinsed my mouth with water but I still wasn't satisfied. My skin felt dirty and I pulled my sleeve up to look at the scars. They ran deep.

I sighed then undressed. I was trying to talk myself out of doing what I knew I was about to do. I turned the shower on burning hot and hopped in. I had put a trash bag over my cast like I was supposed to. My body scared me. It was still battered and bruised. I leaned against the wall and let the water burn against my skin.

I climbed out and dried off. "Just do it! Get it over with! You know you're going to eventually!"the voice screamed. It was better if I didn't reply. I wished it would leave me alone. I found a shaving razor in one of the drawers. I tried to push it away from me. I hit it several times against the edge of the counter before it broke into pieces. Just letting my fingers touch the blade sent shivers through me. "DO IT RYLEIGH!"the voice yelled angrily. It was getting frustrated with me.

"No!"I spoke back and shoved the razor away. "Pick it up and do it. Just once. You'll feel much better!"it said. "NO! I won't! You can't control my life!"I shouted. "Do it, you worthless piece of shit! It's why no one will ever love you!"it spoke. "You're wrong! They love me. That's why I promised not to!"I argued. "If they loved you, you would be with them right now,"the voice said. My fingers ran over the blade again.

A knock sounded at the door. "Ryleigh, are you okay? It's two in the morning. I heard yelling,"Dallon said. "I'm okay,"I said when in reality I wanted to tell him the truth. I wasn't okay. I wanted him to find out what was wrong with me and fix it. "You sure?"he asked. "End it now! They'll never love you,"the voice said as Dallon's caring voice spoke again. I couldn't make out what he said. "SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!"I shrieked. "Ryleigh!"Dallon yelled and jiggled the doorknob. I couldn't reply. "Open the door!"he demanded, still jiggling the knob.

I let myself down onto the floor and curled up as small as the cast would allow. "Make it stop!"I repeated over and over. I squeezed my eyes tightly shut as voices chanted loudly in my head. I'm not sure how long I laid there before the voices stopped. The bathroom door flung open as Dallon found the key. "Ryleigh!"he yelled. He pulled me onto his lap and hugged me tightly. I returned his hug. "Are you okay? What happened?"he asked as he stroked my hair. He began taking in the mess and saw the blades.

"Oh, Ryleigh,"he said. "I didn't cut. There was a voice and it was telling me to but I didn't,"I said as I showed him my wrists. "Good,"he said. "What time is it?"I yawned. "Almost four. Do you think you can sleep?"he asked. I shook my head no as I hugged myself to him. The voice was oddly silent but I knew it would return. We sat there for a long time in silence. He finally asked the question I was dreading.

"Ryleigh, you said there was a voice but there's no one else around and we wouldn't have encouraged it,"he said with question in his voice. I knew he must be raising an eyebrow without having to look up. I faced his chest then looked up. Yup, he was raising an eyebrow. "It's been here for weeks,"I whispered.

"You were telling it shut up at the restaurant, weren't you?"he asked. I nodded and hid my face. "It's okay. We'll get through this. It's a thing we can live with,"he said as he hugged me tight and stroked my hair. I wasn't sure I believed him. The voice wasn't in his head telling him how awful he was. I was a freak. It was me and, right now, I can believe every word it spoke. After all, it was a part of me and no one deserves as much trouble as I've caused.