Lost, Confused, Found

Square one

I've made a lot of mistake in my life and I mean a lot, too many for me to count. Some choices in my life are not so bad, Like Vinessa. She and I knew each other since we were teens. Our father's we friends, so we saw each other often and after I moved out of my parents' house we started dating. It was kind of weird for me at first. For guy with no feelings it's kinda hard to love someone. Vinessa helped me out, she made me feel a little bit of happiness in my life. She made me loved for once.

For once in my life, I was able to feel. I didn't feel an emptiness pit inside of me. Things felt real for me and not fake.

Vinessa was special like me. She had very light brown hair that was always in a bun or ponytail. She also had a rare birth defect with her eyes. One was green and one was blue. She understood what it felt like to be different. She would always try to hide her eyes with contacts or sunglasses. To me, her eyes didn't matter. What mattered was she was mine

I truly did love Vinessa. I worked less just so I could come home and see her smiling face. Sure, she only my girlfriend but I still wanted her to be treated like the love of my life she was to me. I bought her gifts whenever I had the extra time, or I would try to take her places where we haven't been. I really did try to give her everything, but it wasn't enough.

Vinessa had asked for one thing over and over, and I always refused

A child

I worked most of the day. How could I support a child and do my work? My work was more to me than starting a family. Vinessa tried to convince me, it never did work. Kids are just a big pain in the ass. Why would I want to raise one? Besides I wouldn't want anyone let alone my kid to go through what I did. Any kid of my would just through hell just as I did.

After a while of asking Vinessa wasn't happy with me. She threatened me that she would just leave and find a better man who could give her a family. I couldn't care less what she said, hell I thought she was just joking. Of course, I didn't listen to her, I didn't think she was serious. Man was I so wrong

One day I coming home from a meeting, and the next Vinessa's leaving and saying she had enough of me.

I tried to make her stay, I really did. I told her we could talk over it or if we could wait for a year or more I could think about starting a family. She didn't have any of it, she took her stuff and left.

My heart was completely shattered then. I was so pissed at myself and Vinessa. Maybe if I gave her what she wanted she wouldn't have left.

Maybe then, I wouldn't have to move again or start over

I loved her so damn much and this is what get back?

She made me feel and without her, I can't

Love is just a stupid thing to fall for

My life just went back to square one

Way to fucken go me