An Arranged Marriage

Doubts and Reassurances

When you walked out of your room and the warm air hit your cheeks you let out a sigh of relief. You never realized you'd miss the warm air in Kou this much, it was really comforting after being in a literal icebox for so long. Speaking of, you had no idea how long you were in that dungeon. 

You supposed the first order of business was to find someone and asked what had happened when you finished the dungeon. Speaking of, a cold chill went down your spine when you realized something. Immediately you reached for your hand to check if the ring was there. You sighed in immense relief and idly rubbed the ruby red gem with your other hand. 

You let your hand fall from it after that small moment of comfort and continued walking through the halls. You silently prayed none of the maids would find you wandering around just a plain white rob, but you just couldn't be bothered to be forced into a dress just yet. 

Not until you find... him. 

Guilt settled into your heart as you found it difficult to even think of his name. You wouldn't even be surprised if he said he wanted to quit or say he hated you. After all, you left without even saying goodbye. 

You clenched your eyes shut and one of your hands were brought up to your sleeve to hold onto it. It felt like a sort of anchor that kept your grounded and stopped your from crying, but you couldn't help it. You left someone who was potentially your father figure without so much as a glance and you could've died. 

You pressed a fist to your forehead, "idiot," you mumbled as a tear fell. 

Where was that calm and collected woman everyone looked up to? Where was the caring, compassionate woman that Kouen's siblings have come to love? Where was that level headed woman that made no mistakes? Where was the woman who took up all responsibility with no problem after her sister disappeared? 

Where was she?

She's not here. 

Someone had taken her place. In the matter of who knows how many months in that dungeon, there was no time to reflect on how childish she had behaved. She ran away, like a coward. As if all those wars she fought for her kingdom didn't even matter anymore. As if all those painstaking years training her life away meant nothing. 

Suddenly, she really yearned to be a kid again. 

Those memories meant that someone would always be there to hold her hand and help her. Meant that she wasn't alone and didn't have to be to succeed. It meant that her sister would've been the one to take on all the responsibility. 

But she wasn't a kid.

She was a coward. 

You pressed your fists to the side of your head as you fell to your knees, fat tears streaming down your face. "Stop it," you mumbled. There were voices in your head, becoming louder and louder.