Behind The Song

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

Jae Soo stands before me, defiance shining in his eyes like a beacon. His presence is like a rallying cry, somehow reminding me of the person I've always wanted to be. And that's not all. Behind him stands a man I've never seen before.

A little on the pudgy side, but brimming with confidence nonetheless, the middle aged man standing with Jae Soo must be someone important. I'm sure of it.

"Kim Namjoon, what is the meaning of this?" The stranger asks, clearly he's arrived with every intention of scolding Joonie. "Aish, I swear! Running out in the middle of the gala like that! What will we tell the hosts?"

"We tell them the truth, sir." Namjoon asserts. "Bang PD-nim, don't you know what kind of people these are?"

And with that, Namjoon's attention snaps right back to my mother.

"As you can see, Mrs.Malm, Anna isn't going anywhere with you. I respectfully advise you to turn around and leave." He tells my mother firmly.

I don't know what's gotten into Joonie, but his normally tender eyes are replaced with ones that are hard and set. Where once there emanated a gentle glow, there is now a wildfire. It spreads, burning out of control as wildfires often do, and giving him an undeniably intimidating aura.

"Namjoon!" Bang PD shouts.

He seems appalled by Namjoon's behaviour, and I fear that all of my sacrifices have been undone in a simple moment.

Namjoon stands defiant, clearly refusing his elder's warning. And while snaking his arm around my waist he continues to stare at the likes of my now clearly mortified mother, silently daring her to push her luck. I can't allow this to continue.

Because if Joonie doesnt stop, he might actually lose his career.

"Joonie, it's fine really. Don't worry about me." I tell him softly.

Though the words hurt from the moment they form upon my lips.

"Nope, " Joonie replies firmly. "You aren't doing a goddamned thing that you don't want to."

Surprised, I stumble over the words meant to persuade him that this is what I want. I can't voice them anymore.

"But your career, " I remind him softly, attempting to peel his arm away from my person.

But no matter how I struggle, I can't seem to remove that arm. Again and again I try, only to fail each time. And the longer I remain the less I truly want to leave.

I can no longer contain my tears. They lave my cheeks in hot, salty trails. Audibly, I sob. I gasp for air between my wails of agony. Why? Why is doing the right thing so hard? Can I not even do this much right?

Am I truly so hopeless?

"Anna, I know you," Joonie tells me softly.

In direct contrast, his arm only seems to tighten.

Engulfed as I am in his titan-worthy embrace, I am powerless. I can do nothing but listen as he continues to speak in velvety, and yet so very emotionally charged tones.

"I know how much you love writing. Why is it okay for you to give up writing, and continue to tell me that I can't give up my own? Why are you the only one allowed to sacrifice?"

His words are sobering. What argument can I make to persuade him? What can I say to push him farther away? I've always believed that honesty is the best policy, and I've never been so fearful of the truth.

Why?

Because it could end what Joonie and I have forever. I'd long since felt this way, from the very beginning. And I think that one some small level Joonie always knew himself. I've been a damsel in distress since day one, and I've given much less than I have received.

He's seen me at my worst, like the time I picked up the phone thinking it was my father. He's seen the way that I clung to his side when he was injured. I truly been so concerned about Joonie, worried to my wits end about him. But I think he knew then too, I was anxious losing the Joonie I loved so much.

The truth?

I've loved Joonie for a long time, maybe even from the beginning. But just because you love someone doesn't make you right for them. Doesn't make you equal.

"Joonie, " I croak, trying to dry my eyes even as fresh tears pour out. "You're better than me. You deserve more than me. Above all else I truly want you to succeed, and achieve your dreams."

I am too desperate, too needy. For Joonie, an independent woman would be so much better. I've been nothing but a child, and a distracting one at that. I've done nothing useful for Joonie, not one single thing.

But this... I can do this.

Or not.

Joonie releases me at once, clutching both of my shoulders with an iron grip as he looks down on me with righteous fury in his eyes.

"I am not to be put on a pedestal, why would you make me so lonely?" He chastises. "You are my equal, in everything. You are my partner, not a burden. Just your existence is a miracle, how could I need anything more? All I want is your heart, nothing else matters."

I lower my head, shame painting my cheeks scarlett as I listen to his words. But I suppose Joonie is unwilling to allow me to hide from him. Lifting my chin with gentle fingers, his voice softens.

"And who taught you to think of yourself as inferior to anyone in any way? That woman?" He asks, pointing to my mother shamelessly. "Was she the one who forced such garbage down your throat?"

I didn't think that I could cry anymore. I was sorely mistaken.

"You say that you want me to achieve my dreams, so what should I do" he asks quietly "if I also dream of having you? Holding you? Why can't I have both? Who says I have to give up performing, everything is gonna be okay. I swear. There's no need for you to torture yourself. Do you think that makes me happy?"

I've been such a fool. In this moment, I realize where I've gone wrong.

"I want to go home Joonie." I tell him softly. I know that he'll know what I mean.

And he does. We embrace, equally giving all as we make a silent oath to each other. We'll find a way. We won't give anything up, we'll take it all! No matter what obstacles we face, we will face together as partners and equals.

Namjoon releases me, and begins to lead me away.

"Let's finally go home, " he tells me warmly, smiling despite the situation.

Even despite all of the grief that I have caused, he is still shining that beautiful smile at me. His charming dimples, the ones I had loved so much when we'd met, are back. It brings a smile to my face as well, and how could it not?

"You can't just leave!" My mother shrieks. "I won't allow it! I will call the police, I swear I will!"

Joonie halts, pulling me to a stop as well. Turning to face the man that Namjoon had identified as Bang PD, we pause.

And Bang PD, who had been silently watching all of this unfold, nods his head to Namjoon.

"Go Joonie. We'll talk about the details later, but for now use the company card to get Mrs.Parker a room at the hotel for the night." Turning to face my mother, he then continues. "It is not illegal for a grown woman to go where she wishes to, and your daughter most definitely qualifies as a grown woman. We will compensate you for services rendered, but we will not be continuing treatment with your unprofessional husband."

He pauses for a moment, thoughtfully assessing the situation.

"I'm a business man Mrs.Malm. I've seen it all before. I know why you had your daughter here. Dressed like that? As timid as she is?" His eyes harden. "You'll be lucky if I don't report you!"