Autumn Silence (On Hold)

Chapter Five

I stand at the very front of the crowd. Silence sweeps over all of us and the Reverend's voice echoes within the cemetery. I keep my eyes on the ground, unable to look at the four sleek coffins of the students killed. My hands tremble as I pull my black sleaves over my bloodied knuckles. My eyes sting with the tears I refuse to shed.

My heart feels like a heavy weight inside my chest. Pain burrows deep beneath my skin, digging into my heart. I can feel Mike's arm brushing against mine. I glance up at him before looking at Cass. As soon as Cass's deep blue eyes meet mine I look away. I watch the four coffins slowly being lowered into their graves.

Breathing becomes hard, like a rope is being tied around my throat. I can feel my stomach twisting into sickening knots. I can practically feel their blood washing over my like paint on a wall. I cringe, closing my eyes as tight as I physically can. "Please," I gasp as if I've been kicked in the stomach.

I turn away and run through the crowd of two hundred people. I slip between people and ignore Mike hissing my name. I brake free of the deep clutches of the crowd, my mouth gaping open as I try to take in air.

"It feels a little like that," the familiar voice sends relief racing through my vanes. I glance over my shoulder at Will. I nod slowly, overcome with a sickening sensation.

Will looks at the sea of people dressed in black before looking back at me. "How're you holding up?" Will asks.

I shrug, "OK."

"You're a bad liar," Will mutters, rolling around a small pebble with the edge of his shoe.

I open my mouth before shutting it again. "I feel...I don't know," I sigh.

"Like you've been kicked in the gut over and over again? Like you're going to be sick? Like there's something inside your head clawing at you skull just trying to rip it open and like there's lead in your chest?" Will breathes.

I nod and stares at him, "Pretty much." His description is terrifyingly accurate and disturbing.

Will nods, "That'd be guilt a confusion."

"I feel dirty," I confide. Will looks at me as if he's staring right through me and into the deepest parts of my heart. It makes me shift uncomfortably.

"That I've got no theory for," Will murmurs.

"Come on," Will sighs. He leads me to the edge of the cemetery, over to a wooden bench that overlooks the maze of concrete headstones. Both of us sit down silently. We watch people solemnly leave the cemetery. Tears run silently down my cheeks as I pull my legs into my chest and rest my chin on my knees.

"Why them?" I mumble. Will draws in a deep breath and shifts a little. "Why not us?" I continue.

Will sighs heavily and stares at the ground, "Honestly I have no idea. Sometimes shit just happens. I'd like to think that there was a purpose."

"But then again for all we know we could be suffering more then them. We have to relive the nightmare every time we try to sleep. We have to live with the thought of what could have happened," Will says.

"That's positive," I mutter under my breath.

"It's a funeral," Will shrugs.