Never knew it would start and end in such a way but let's be honest I did because I planed to do it this way all along and now I'm just rambling but like why not ???? I mean you know , why lie? I'm just saying the truth, would you prefer a pretty lie or a hurtful truth ? Lying is just like when you pause a video because you don't want to watch what's about to happen next , your just delaying the inevitable, that's what lies do they delay the time for when the truth will come out because it always does wether in a day, a month, a year, five years , maybe at your death bed but one day it will come out and it will hurt.
Okay where do I start um well I've been depressed for a long time I don't really know when it started but I know that as days and days went by it grew bigger and bigger then suicidal thoughts came ,than anxiety ,than cutting and it was all just a big mess and I've tried , tried to get better to find other solutions you know to try talking to someone, do things that are supposed to make you happy and calm but guess what ? Nothing worked. Talking made my heart ache, my mind hurt and my memories would resurface every time I would try to talk about it i felt like vomiting my insides.
Talking would mean that someone would know about why I'm depressed or why every morning when I'm eating my breakfast and I'm cutting my eggs I look at the knife in my left hand longer than normal and a little voice in my head would say " wouldn't you be better off dead ?" And I would silently agree , I stopped fighting my negative thoughts as everyday passed by because I started thinking that maybe I was better off dead maybe it would take away the pain and emptiness away, maybe if there was such thing as an after life mine would be better than my life on earth, happier maybe I wouldn't have to fake all my smiles or maybe I would be able to remember what my real smile looked like what it felt like for me to be so happy that I would smile and my cheeks would hurt.... maybe is a dangerous word.
Morana Mortem xxx
13/12/2018
"No one cares unless you're beautiful or dead".
YOU ARE READING
Maybe.
Short StoryMaybe if I hadn't..... Maybe if I had.... Maybe if he hadn't.... Maybe if I hadn't been so stupid. Maybe if I had a different mother and father. Maybe if I was prettier. Maybe if I was skinnier. Maybe if I was funnier. Maybe then I might've been eno...
