oneshots. （ a. knight ）

0.4 hell-bent on heartbreak ♡

Being in love with someone made it insanely easy to believe that nothing could break that apart. We were together on a tiny sailboat on the ocean of life and no matter what storms tried to knock us, we would never capsize, never go under, never shatter into a million tiny pieces. The honeymoon phase of any relationship was filled with bright things. The other person was the sun in the sky and you were the moon, reflecting off of each other in perfect harmony.

However, love was rarely ever so perfect and serene all the time. Love was messy and jarring and uncomfortable. Sometimes love hurt. And that was today.

"I don't want to fight with you." Awsten's voice pulled me from my thoughts. I looked at my phone, seeing his handsome face filling up my screen.

He looked tired, I noticed for the first time in the last 45 minutes of our FaceTime call. He was in Australia for work and the 17 hour time difference was wearing heavier on me than I realized. It was a very long way from Houston to Sydney.

"I miss you." I hated that I sounded so pathetic and needy. But I hated when he was gone. I missed his warmth in my bed, his quiet laughter, the way he always knew how to make everything better.

"I miss you, too, baby." Awsten sighed and put his head in his hand, watching me. "But this is my job, you know? It's gotta be this way sometimes. I warned you that this was going to be hard."

It was too early to be having this conversation. It was the middle of the day there, but it was early in the morning here. I was exhausted from picking up the late shift at work and I had a full day of classes at university ahead of me. It was finals week and I was all ready completely stressed out of my mind.

"Of course I fucking know it has to be this way, Awsten," I snapped at him. "It doesn't make it any less hard and you stating the obvious isn't really helping me feel any better."

"You think I like being this far fucking apart from you?" he snapped back at me. "You think I want to be jet-lagged and fucking sick as a dog half a world away from you? I want to sleep in my bed and play with Jet and kiss your fucking face whenever I want, but I can't. You think I like that?"

"What's it matter if you like it? It's your fucking job and it's just gotta be this way sometimes." It was low and shitty to throw his words back in his face like that.

Awsten's eyes blazed with anger, the vein in his jaw twitching. "Don't do that. Don't you fucking shut me out now. I need you. I fucking need you right now."

Maybe it was the stress of my life plus the stress of our relationship and doing this long distance thing sometimes that was so fucking hard, but it took every ounce of self-control I had not to just end the call right then and there. I was shutting him out, that was true, but it was self-preservation. I needed to get it together so I could go about my day. I couldn't do this right now with him.

"Well, I need space." I ignored the blatant anger on Awsten's face. "Enjoy Australia, Awsten. Have a good show tonight."

His mismatched eyes continue to burn bright with irritation. "Thanks, I will."

I ended the call without telling him that I loved him and dropped my phone in my lap. I sat up in bed, the bed Awsten and I shared, put my face in my hands and screamed as loud as I could just to get my frustration out. Unfortunately, my outburst scared the living hell out of Jet, who was quietly mourning the loss of her favorite human Awsten by sleeping pretty consistently on his pillow.

"Sorry, Jet." I reached over and smoothed down her fur, trying to calm her as best as I could.

My phone chirped with an incoming notification and I forced myself to get out of bed completely before I checked it. I frowned as I hit the Twitter notification and rolled my eyes almost immediately.