A Scoop of My Mind (Not Finished)

ring of FIRE (to my ex best friend)

what started off simple soon turned difficult. they say best friends poke each other with straws but yours caused me to bleed. but i didn't know it. you put numbing medicine labeled "i'm sorry" or "just a joke" on my confusion. and i never second guessed it. i knew that a bruise would heal soon. i knew that the pain would soon go away. but there are still scars. they say best friends always have each other's back but my back was sore from you backstabbing me. and the scars grew wider. not physical scars, but mental scars. i started feeling upset when you pushed away my other friends. they say best friends are supposed to bring positivity but apparently, i was blind. your apologies sounded forced but you told me you were just having a bad day. so you stuck a bandaid on me and said "it'll be okay" when really you were the one making it worse. and in front of our peers, you fancied a halo, but suddenly, there were red hues. i now know that that was a ring of fire. they say best friends friends will pick up each other if one of them falls, but you're the one who pushed me. not away, but in. into my deepest insecurities. into my scariest dreams. every morning, i felt like a label. everyone started calling me your best friend. no one knew my name. it's like i couldn't go anywhere without you. that doesn't seem so bad right? except when you trick me into thinking the lies being spread came from a stranger, but that stranger looks familiar since you're holding the knife with the words stained.

"it was all fake."

and maybe you were only my best friend to take the best out of me.
maybe you were only nice so that i could let out my flaws while you envied my success.
i still blame it on myself.

i blame myself for not knowing the difference between straws and syringes.
i blame myself for not letting my wounds heal fast enough.
i blame myself for being oblivious to every fall and not checking to see who was behind me.
i blame myself for not saving the people who you damaged or destroyed while leading me in on your ring of fire.

but most of all, i blame myself for not putting it out.

a/n: honestly, she's someone i want to forget. but i can't because she was my best friend...at least i thought she was.
-jmak 🌻