The Promise in Your Words

Chapter 2: A flower in the Storm

Him

I arrived 10 minutes earlier than we planned.
That was when I came to the realisation that I had no idea where we were going to meet, nor did I have any way to contact her and ask. So, I did what I thought would be logical and visited the first place she met me again – my work.
The staff were surprised to see me there again, on the only day I had off for that week. I smiled as I joked about missing work already before I walked towards the Young Adult section and picked up another of the books by Alaan Tyke. This time, a book about a young boy who had died while trying to protect his sister. I found the whole plot to be a bit cliched but in a manner that seemed to have excited me as a reader. From a simple ghost story to a whole other level love story based on demons and destruction.
I was just about to get into the book when a tap on my shoulder garnered my attention. Behind me was Hana, smiling as her chest rapidly moved from her heavy breathing.
"Hey", I said to her as I closed the first chapter of the book, failing to put on a smile.
"Eiji, I am so sorry," she gulped down a breath of air, "Did I keep you waiting long?"
"Nope, I actually got here a bit earlier because I didn't want to make you wait", I walked towards the shelf and placed the book back in its place. "Ready to go?"
Hana nodded.
Her gaze followed me, but I didn't think much of it. I turned to her and asked what coffee shop she had in mind. Hana smiled and beckoned for me to follow without telling me where it was.
I followed quietly, walking little less than a step behind her and at least half an arm's distance away. I didn't mind her company, unlike the rest of the people I knew but I still felt uncomfortable being too near somebody. Perhaps it was due to being around everybody I did not remember, they seemed to force themselves onto me regardless of the look of confusion and discomfort I often had.
Hana didn't seem to notice as she talked animatedly about how hard it was to find a way to bunk college and the rush that was her morning. I rarely spoke, occasionally just nodding when she looked to see if I was still paying attention. I actually found myself hanging onto every word she spoke, the sound of her voice was relaxing and helped to ease my mind away from everything that ate away at me on a daily basis.
"Well, here we are", Hana stopped walking, motioning to a small yet cosy looking coffee house. The smell of freshly brewed coffee attacked my nose as I stood at the entrance while the freshly baked cakes gave off an enthralling scent that made me wish I could taste them.
How I had never visited this place before baffled me, but then again, I may have been here before my memory loss. I didn't mix well with crowds as I currently was, nor did I like being alone with my thoughts.
Hana smiled at me, her eyes brightly lit as she led me into the shop, took a seat at one of the tables and gave our order to one of the waiters.
"Thanks for coming today, Eiji. I really appreciate it", Hana's fingers fiddled in her clasped hands. Her gaze constantly diverting to the decorations of the store.
"Actually, I should thank you for what you did at the hospital." I paused as Hana's face suddenly turned red, "For me, I meant." I added quickly but her face stayed the bright shade of tomato.
Hana's gaze shyly shifted to me, a sight I found to be quite adorable. In some manner of way, it reminded me of something I had started to watch in my spare time recently. "Uh-uhm . . . how are you feeling now, Eiji? Like you know, about your memory and . . .?"
Hana couldn't complete her sentence, probably because she didn't know how or what to say but I knew what she meant to ask. How am I dealing with the death of my beloved? And, for once, I had no answer.
Normally, I would have said that I'm okay because I could not remember her but watching the concern on Hana's face was little more than persuasive. A look that did not ask me to tell the truth nor did it command me to say what it wanted to hear. Her eyes were full of innocence and sincerity, giving off the feeling of wanting to hear what I needed to say.
Smiling at Hana, I spoke my mind. "To be honest Hana, they haven't returned to me. In fact, I think it's been getting worse. I won't say that I haven't remembered anything because I have but the memories fade away as soon as I remember them."
"What? No, have you spoken to a doctor about it?" Hana's voice rose and her eyes widened. She leaned forward, almost on top of the table, her body language reading way too much attention.
"Yeah, they think I may be suffering from PTSD. The memory loss is a mechanism to help dealing with any pain I feel." I sighed, resigned myself to an acceptance I had refused for weeks now. I was in pain, more pain than anybody knew. The constant headaches from not having my memories and then the intense migraines when I do remember. Followed by the agony of my chest been ripped apart as the memories flooded in and disappeared.
Agony that tasted like blood.
Blood that flowed through my fingertips because of the one who died on them.
The one who I could not remember and, because of that, continued to haunt my mind and curse my soul with the riddance of any –
"Eiji!" Hana's voice echoed into my aching head.
Her hand tightly gripped the table while the other held my face. No, it wasn't my face she held. It was my hand, the hand I had gripping the hairs on the side of my head.
"Are you okay? Eiji, can you hear me", Hana's voice was a little more than audible. Her face close to mine as if her eyes were scanning every pore of my skin to check if anything was wrong.
I looked about the store and noticed that everybody was staring at us. The waiter who had taken our order walked briskly towards our table, possibly to check on me. I moved my hand away and sat upright, mentally shaking the pain and dizziness away, "Yeah, sorry. It's just a side effect of the memory loss. Happens when I ponder on the lost memories sometime."
I waved off the waiter as he repeatedly asked if I needed any medical assistance, and all the while Hana looked on as if wanting to tell me to take the assistance but didn't. After a short moment, our drinks had come and a cold silence reverberated through the air at our table.
"Hana, I am fine. It happens now and then, as I said, it's what happens when I attempt to recall memories or probe my mind for them. The doctors said it would happen if I tried to force the recollection of my memories."
Hana looked at her tea, stirred it with a spoon then looked at me with shinning eyes. Not the shinning of earlier, instead her eyes shone with what could have been tears. "Well, I think you should stop trying so hard to remember, especially if it's going to hurt you like that again."
I looked at Hana, bewildered at the tone her voice had just taken. Her voice was shaky and her words rushed out of her mouth. Was she scolding me? Or, was she scared of me?
"It's okay. I can't feel the pain though. And, maybe that's a good thing. After all, my emotions are gone with those memories."
"What do you mean?" Hana had all but forgotten about the tea that sat in front of her.
I looked at my coffee, the steam from it warned of the dangers that faced my tongue had I decided to sip it. "It's nothing."
"Oh." She sounded disappointed. I know she probably really wanted to know but I had only just met her. I could not even call her a friend. Actually, what was Hana to me?
"Your coffee is going to get cold", I looked at Hana and was just about to say something when I laughed. "What on Earth are you doing?"
Hana, who looked intently at her cup of tea a moment ago, held in one hand a straw and the other her cup of tea. "I'm drinking my tea." She shrugged her shoulders at me as if asking me what else could she be doing.
"With a straw? Hana, are you really serious. I have never seen nor heard of anybody having tea with a straw." I wanted to laugh, this moment was way too funny to actually be true.
"Yes, I am dead serious. Do you even know how many people's mouths have been on the rim of this cup?" Hana looked at me, daring me to argue.
I held my hands up in defeat. "Okay, you have a point but why a straw, honestly. Never mind, it's beyond me."
Hana sipped on her tea using the straw and I watched on in absolute amusement at this sight, all the while stirring my coffee with a spoon. Hana looked at me, the look of a complete child stared back at me. I felt a smile creep at the side of my mouth and I had no idea why.
"Don't you like the coffee", Hana asked.
"Just waiting for it to cool a bit."
Hana handed me a straw. "Just try it."
I shook my head but took the straw. After crumpling the plastic wrapping and leaving it aside I sipped my coffee with the straw, expecting to feel the hot pang of the liquid scald the inside of my mouth. "This is some really good coffee." Instead, I felt heaven hit my tongue as I sipped away through the straw.
"I know, right." Hana laughed at me. "The straw just somehow makes it feel cooler. Like absolute magic." Hana wiggled her fingers through the air.
"Yeah, perhaps because it's a miracle that anybody actually drinks tea or coffee like this", I joked with her.
And, just like that, the atmosphere was bright again.
We talked more, enjoying our drinks slowly as we shared a bit about ourselves. Well, it was mostly Hana who talked and I who listened. In all honesty, I had almost nothing to talk about and I enjoyed the sound her voice. I could not tell her but it made me feel comfortable and at ease.
"So, Eiji, how did you get your name, if you don't mind me asking", Hana's head rested on the palms of both her hands, looking at me with big eyes that spent no expense on giving me all her attention.
"I don't know to be honest but my mother is Japanese so I guess that's why I have a Japanese name. My dad, though, was born and bred here – a complete Indian."
"That is actually really cool. I can't imagine what a Japanese mum must be like", Hana's eyes were wide as she spoke with wonder in her voice.
"Trust me, it's not all that different from having any other kind of mother. What about you, Hana? How did you get such a Japanese sounding name?" I jested, but there was a bit of truth in what I said.
"It's my dad's fault actually. He's a complete otaku, an anime nerd, so he insisted on keeping my name Hana when I was born," my arm dropped. I really didn't expect that, I just thought that it was meant to be something else in some other language. "Yeah, apparently he fell in love with a character by this name so he wanted to name his daughter that."
"Do you know what your name means?"
"Yeah, my dad said if I ever had to write it out I should use the kanji for 'flower' because that's the meaning he intended for me", Hana smiled.
Her smile was enchanting. It was sincere and far from anything tainted, like me. I didn't deserve to be in the same moment as her, not when she smiled like this. Not when her smile was of such purity.
"Boku wa mada sonohi mita Hana no namae o'oboete imasu", I spoke those words without realising I had but I did not regret them. She was a sight that invoked such praise.
"I don't know Japanese, Eiji." Hana blushed red, looking away from him in embarrassment.
"'I still remember the name of the flower I saw that day.' That's what it means", I looked at Hana, my gaze not once moving.
Hana looked at me, her eyes not wide in shock, not shinning with glee. She looked at me with something I could not understand, but it did not make me feel scared, sad or shocked. Her eyes invoked a sense of happiness and warmth into my chest, a feeling I had not once been able to feel since long before this.
Hana's face slowly turned a different shade, her cheeks burnt brightly with a warm yet fiery shade of pink. Her eyes glistened as she blinked her astonishment away. Yes, this reminded me so much of that show I had watched last night.
Hana was the girl in the series. Her glistening eyes of innocence that could be cracked by a gentle push. The bright pink cheeks that reflected the warmth that she felt inside herself. And the seemingly impossible wind that blew her hair aside, like the very Earth shook for her.
But what she did not see was the way she looked in my eyes. Hana, the 'flower' that had suddenly begun to come to life in my dead garden. You swayed in the storm that was my life while the cherry blossoms lit the world behind you.