Shinsou Hitoshi

Shinsou self-harms

Shinsou was home alone. The house was quiet, and it made him a bit paranoid. Every creak was a stranger and every unfamiliar noise was a threath. The silence was so loud it annoyed and scared him. The only thing he could hear clearly was his own breathing and the traffic outside. It was getting worse, the anxiety, the depression. The overwhelming self-doupt and the whispers in his ears. The whispers that told him he was worth nothing. The whispers that kept him laying awake at night, thinking about mistakes he had made ten years ago. The feelings of hopelesness and uselesness, that the depression had carved to his mind. The mental pain of anxiety and the physical marks he had etched to his body because of it.

He felt the urge again. The urge to let go of the mental pain and replace it with a physical one, just for a moment. The only pain he actually had control over. He walked slowly to the bathroom and sat against the wall. He took out a razor blade. It was so sharp, so thin, so destructive and yet, so inviting. The light was reflecting from the piece of metal that would soon be glittering with a crimson color. Shinsou pressed the thin blade against his wrist and dragged it across. He made sure the cut wasn't too deep. He didn't want to die, not right now atleast. He did it again. Another scarlet line appeared on his wrist, like a parade, following the leading blade.

For a moment, the anxiety was gone. Shinsou was only focusing on the blood in his wrist. The blood was slowly dripping to the floor, but it didn't last for long. Soon the pain was gone, the bleeding had stopped and he was left with a feeling of emptiness and numbness. Was feeling almost nothing better then being overwhelmed by his own doupts and fears? No, it was just as bad, maybe even worse. The few seconds of pain were the only calm moments. The small flame that burned away the despair, just for an instant.
The one truly calm moment, but it didn't last. It never did. He couldn't find his peace in the blood or the pain. At that moment, there was no peace for him. The calmness from the pain and blood were just an illusion. Nothing made the pain go away. Not really.