ᴇQᴜᴀʟʟʏ ᴅᴇʀᴀɴɢᴇᴅ

𝟱.𝟭

I walked into my apartment, making my way straight upstairs to the bathroom, not bothering to turn on the light. The moonlight filtered through the window, just enough to guide me.

I stood under the shower, letting the water cascade down over my head, through my hair, and across my face. I didn't even bother with a shower cap. Tomorrow, I'd regret it, but right now, I didn't care.

"One," I murmured.

"Two."

"Three."

I began scrubbing my hands with the shower rag, scrubbing them harshly, over and over.

"I have to clean them," I whispered, my voice shaking, as I continued, my hands starting to bleed. The scrubbing grew more frantic until I slid down the wall, my tears mingling with the water, as the weight of it all consumed me.

I rocked back and forth, my body trembling until, finally, I lost consciousness.

⸻

When I woke up, I was lying in my bed, dressed in my Panama top and leggings. I looked to my right and froze, nearly screaming. There, beside me, was a body.

Kaito.

He lay on his back, asleep. How did he get in? What was he doing here? My mind raced with a thousand questions. The rational part of me screamed to do what any normal person would do—scream, kick him out, call for help. But I didn't. Instead, I crawled on top of him and nestled my head against his chest, wrapping my arms and legs around his waist. I pulled the blanket over both of us. With Kaito, I felt safe, like nothing could hurt me. I buried my face in his neck, inhaling his scent, and let the exhaustion take over as I drifted back to sleep.

_________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐

"Desi, come on! We're going to miss the bus!" A cute Korean boy called, tugging me by the hand, before planting a kiss on my forehead and adjusting my scarf. I felt my face warm, as if I were watching someone else's life unfold before me.

Who was this boy? I knew him, but at the same time, I didn't. There was a fog in my memory that prevented me from seeing him clearly, as if a piece of the puzzle was missing.

"Desiree, here's your bag," my brother, Shaun, called, placing my bag on my back. "Have a good day at school, kid," he said, kissing me on the forehead.

Shaun. I missed him.

"Hey, Kai, came to pick up your girl, huh?" he teased.

Kai. Who was Kai? The name echoed in my mind, but it felt unfamiliar.

Kai blushed, looking away and kicking a snowball on the ground.

Shaun laughed. "Take care of my little sister, alright?"

"Of course," Kai replied with a smile.

"Take care, you two," Shaun said, ruffling Kai's hair before heading back inside.

Kai grabbed my hand tightly and tugged me toward the bus. We climbed aboard and found seats together.

"You've got some snow in your hair," he said, his voice soft.

"Where?" I asked, trying to brush it out myself.

He leaned over and gently brushed the snow from my hair. "There," he said.

"LEAVE HER ALONE!" Kai shouted, his voice raw with anger.

Suddenly, I was on the floor, tears streaming down my face, as a white boy shoved me down.

"Shut up. Why don't you two go back to your own country?" the boy sneered. "You don't belong here!"

I saw Kai's fists clench, his face contorting with fury. He punched the boy in the stomach, knocking the wind out of him. The boy retaliated, punching Kai in the face, but Kai tackled him to the ground, landing punch after punch until the boy was crying, begging for mercy.

"Don't you ever touch her again," Kai growled, yanking the boy up by his shirt.

"Now apologize."

"I'm... sorry," the boy mumbled, his voice trembling.

Kai dropped him to the floor, and the boy scrambled to his feet and ran off.

Kai helped me up, his hand wrapping around mine, pulling me into his chest.

"I'm sorry, Desi. I'll always protect you," he whispered.

_________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐

"Kai..." I murmured in my sleep, the name slipping from my lips as I drifted into unconsciousness once more.