The Diagnosis

The Diagnosis Chapter 2

I started chemotherapy two weeks after my diagnosis. I couldn't go to school while i did the chemo, but i did online courses so i wouldn't fall behind. I would call and facetime my friends everyday after school, and they would update me on what's going on at school, and about homework and stuff. I kept up in class by doing homework, watching videos on the subjects and online tests to replace paper ones done at school. It wasn't too bad... but it was hard not being able to see my friends in real life. I couldn't hang out with them on weekdays because of school and homework, and we all do volleyball, so they get to go to practice while I am either at the doctors doing my therapy and radiation, or at home, usually doing schoolwork or watching TV in my room.

I noticed about a week and a half after starting treatment, that when I brushed my hair, I was losing a noticeable amount and my hair was getting too thin to easily manage (it was already pretty thin). It was painful to brush it... ever brush your hair when it's wet and thin, like after swimming for too long? The brush scrapes against your head and I had all these small scrapes on the back of my head according to my mom. We were thinking about once, my hair is too thin to manage and like, look good, we would just shave it. I didn't want to but it's better than looking like that Gollum character from Lord of the Rings... I even have the light blue eyes like his, and can do a pretty good impression him saying "precious". Anyway, my hair doesn't quite look like that yet... it's more like when someone with really curly, frizzy hair, straightens it and it looks so much thinner than usual. We have been searching for natural-looking wigs that are similar to my hair. But it's hard because my hair is decently long and curly, dark red. But when I mean long I mean like to my chest, not belly button! And most of the wigs were too light for me. But we were trying to find one like my hair, or at least similar.

I get weird looks walking around because I am very tired and both my body and my hair are way too thin than than normal, along with me having to run away to throw up at least twice a day, I also bruise more easily... like one day I bumped into a chair and the next day I had a huge bruise on my leg! I lost more weight since my diagnosis and I feel very fatigued and walk "like a zombie" my mom says, because zombies are kinda... dead and tired I guess? But anyway, I heard that more sleep can help you fight cancer and stuff, which I don't know if that's true or not but I'm sure it helps. I have never slept so much since I was probably a toddler, and it feels pretty nice to actually get some sleep. I throw up a lot, at least twice a day, but I don't know what I'm throwing up, because I haven't eaten much since I started chemo, but I throw up so much... it kinda sucks because I can't do normal things I used to be able to do... like riding my bike, jumping on my trampoline, running around with my dog for absolutely no reason at all, and taking her for walks, and walking to my friends houses... I feel so out of shape because my body can't handle too much exercise at once. The most I can do is walk around stores and hospitals. You may be thinking, why can't I walk to my friends' houses if you can walk around stores and stuff? Well, I live at the bottom of a hill, and all my neighborhoods my friends live in are up that hill, and I get tired too quickly, and there's nowhere to rest. My friends occasionally visit my house, but they know I sleep a lot and don't want to disturb me unless they are really bored, but then they'll text me first instead of just knocking on the door at random times like they usually do. And when they do visit, they are more friendly to me, and less playful, and we get bored because we can't really do anything...

About a month after I was diagnosed, I got an email from my boyfriend. He said something about not wanting either of us to get hurt if my condition worsened. And that people our age shouldn't be dating in the first place, which makes no sense because he's the one who asked me out. He had also had at least one other girlfriend at his previous school. I was obviously devastated. I loved him... and I have cancer and he felt the need to dump me? A month before Valentine's Day too!

My birthday is coming up too, I think I am getting a bigger bed so we can move my room upstairs and redesign it. I was planning on getting curtains and lights for my room, and we repainted it a lighter shade of purple. It was my older sister's room at one point, but she moved out so I'm moving up there. She has her own apartment and a pet snake. He's a baby ball python named Slayer. He's adorable and loves to slither up your shirt and wrap around your arms when you hold him. It's actually amazing how much you hate your siblings when they live with you, versus when they leave, you wanna visit them all the time.

It's been hard through when you are always nauseous and fatigued, it's hard to enjoy anything, let alone having a snake slightly wrap around your arm and receiving a bruise and some scratches. Normal people would have no signs at all that the snake was on them. I bruise and bleed easier than normal, and I am also always thirsty. Imagine riding in a car, and suddenly being extremely dehydrated, then after drinking something, feeling nauseous and needing to open the window while we pull over so I can throw up on the side of the road. Not fun. I've been getting skinnier too. The doctors keep saying my bones are become weaker and less dense. Almost all my hair is gone and I can't seem to find a wig that suits me. But for now it's short, and that's the least of my problems.