Addicted

Nicia Pov

   Droplets of rain cascaded down the windowpanes, and the sun was merely a figment of the imagnation.The dark grey clouds held it prisoner behind their foggy mist, and the day wascold and dreary at best .Several times I wanted to dash out of the office,mumble a fabricated excuse for leaving to the secretary as I made my way through the waiting room ,seeking sanctuary in the hallway.As much as I wanted to forget whole therapy session, the alternative was not acceptable.I desperateley needed help,and it was time for me to face my fears.When I was a little girl,my mother always told me thatcourage is simply fear that has said its prayers.Over the years ,I tried to live by those words , And I managed to do  so until this day.

    My mind began to wander as I stood by the window looking out at the cars splashing up the rainwater with their tires, thier windshield wipers going back and forth like those knocking balls  we use to play with when I was little.It was early evening, not quite dusk, and the Friday workk traffic was beginning to taper off in downtown  Atlanta.Most people were already sitting in bumper - to - bumper traffic on the interstate,ordering a round of drinks with coworkers at happy hour,or settling down in the saftey of their own homes to catch the evening news on television.I been lucky to get an appointment at all , since it was my first time there and I had just called pleading to see the doctor that morning.A friend of mine once mentioned Dr.Spencer in the passing  while  I was at the salon getting my hair done.She was avid fan of the doctor's , having used her services to get over the agony of being betrayed by her ex-husband and,ultimately , a stressful divorce.Never would I have conceived seeking her advice myself- yet I was there.

   Dr.Spencer's office looked about how I had visualized it: dim ligting, expensive leather furniture, including the infamous chaise longue where troubled souls revealed there deep, dark secrets, and a big cherrywood desk with a banker's lamp in the center.Bookshelves lined on the walls , and a smorgasbord of degrees,certificates, and plaques adorned the wall between the two floor- to -ceiling windows behind the desk .

      I notice  that my hands were trembling , even though the office was warm and toasty  , a complete contrast to the cold October weather outside.She was taking too long and my nerves were shot.I craved something to smoke, but I didn't have any cigrettes , since I had kicked the habit several years before during my  first pergnancy.Just as I was about to cowardly walk out ,walking over to the chaise and beginning to put n my black leather gloves,Dr.Spencer entered the office , making apologies for keeping me waiting.At first ,I was speechless , and the words forming in my mind could not make their way to my lips.

  "Mrs.Smith,"she said , more as a statement than a question, as she reached out a finely manicured hand to greet me.

 Hearing my name broke the sef-induced trance."Dr.Spencer.It's very nice to meet you." I gratefully took her hand and shook it .Just the warmth of her touch somehow comfort me."Thankn you for seeing me on such short notice."

   She was making her way over to her comfortable leather chair and spoke."It's no problem,really.My secretary seemed to think your situation wa quite urgent , and I'm always glad to do whatever I can." I managed a slight smile as she continued"Please, have a seat and make yourself at home." She motioned toward one of the two leather wing chairs facing the desk opposite her own.Once she sat downat her desk , I was able to get a better look at her.Dr.Spencer was a strikingly beauitful and classy woman.The thin lines on her face betrayed her age  about forty , yet she exuded the glow of a woman twenty years younger.Her deep chocolate satiny skin remind me of fudge brownies my momma would prepare for the school bake sales to benefit the PTA, and her eyes looked like black pearls.They were hypnotic.