No umbrellas

    Through the glass of the entrance of my department I distinguish the shape of Alice. She stands tall, looking at a few cars go by. I open up, walking out to meet her. She turns around and greets me. I tell her hello as well, and I'm immediately surprised by something.

"You... didn't bring an umbrella?

Alice shows me her empty hand. It's not raining; my question doesn't make sense.

"But you brought boots. Rain boots."

She shows off her boots to me. It must be a fashion choice. They do look nice, but she's told me before that they make her feet hurt. Is it worth it to walk hiding the pain just to build a trendy image of yourself?

Needless to say, I don't ask her that. Alice is really good at being cheerful even in pain, and her smile makes me forget the trail of my thoughts.

Countless seconds go by, admiring the stars right above Alice. I don't know what shines the brightest; the moon, the stars, or her eyes. Is she really happy? Is she about to cry?

Boredom starts to make its way into my friend's expression. I step aside from the door to my department clumsily, and luckily she doesn't notice. Alice walks gracefully to the elevator... and gets on it without me. Even the door starts to close in on me. My keys are inside and I'd rather not get locked outside, especially on a night like this. I still think it might rain.

I go upstairs, hoping the girl remembers on what floor my aparment is.

Indeed she does. For a moment I believe she's opened the door, but then I realize Alice is only checking her phone. She seems annoyed at the very least, but she notices me and smiles at me playfully.

"I thought maybe you had run to another floor. You've done that... er, quite a few times". Alice starts heading again to the elevator, probably deciding how many stairs she wants me to climb. "No, please don't. It's a bit late for that; we don't want to laugh and wake everyone up. Think about my neighbors..."

"YEAH, THINK ABOUT US! Noisy dudes and their... ugh..." Old man next door keeps on blabbering. We both sigh, but she seems worried.

I tell her not to worry about him; he's probably drunk and moody on a Friday night like this.

I offer her some red wine. She says no. "Water?" I ask. Same response.

We sit at the table in silence. Everything is silent. It feels like the whole world is waiting for us to make a sound. Not even crickets dare give away their presence. My cat sits on her lap.

I decide to start talking. Is this a good time to talk about feelings?

"It's been so long since you came here. I've missed you."

Alice agrees. Carlos meows, as if to say he's longed for her even more. Honestly, I find that hard to believe.

I spend a minute or two updating her on what happened in my life since the last time we saw each other. I avoid telling her, of course, that I thought that would be the last time I saw her. I don't tell her either that I'm glad it wasn't.

In exchange she spends about an hour telling me about everything that she's experienced. Apparently she has traveled to Costa Rica and tried out paragliding. A wonderful experience according to her. Terrifying as well. She also learnt how to swim and dive in less than one month. Only basic stuff according to her. She shows me some photos. I act as if I hadn't seen her post the exact same images on social media.

"That's all?" I ask, half-jokingly. After all, she could say the same to me.

Alice looks down at her feet. She's finally showing a bit of what she really feels and whatever it is, it's not something good.

"I'm sorry. I was kidding. It's almost unbelievable that your life has been that good-- I, uh, believe you though. That was not... what I meant."

My friend smiles at my pathetic excuse of an apology. I think that's an improvement.

Surprisingly she admits to be keeping some stuff from me. Everything she said was true, but not the whole truth. I don't want to pressure her any further, so I take the conversation to rather trivial topics.

There are no more awkward silences after that; funny stories that happened to us, memories and bizarre tales of history come one after the other. While Alice is finishing up the most incredible story of people going crazy and dancing for months, her cell phone starts ringing. The tune reminds me of younger years. Everything related to Alice seems nostalgic, despite her being right in front of me, bubbly as usual. I remember I showed this song to her many years ago. I'm amazed that I've managed to keep that memory. I was probably happy and proud that she had liked it back then.

Caught up in my thoughts, I barely notice she ended the call. Alice tells me she has to go. I'm not sure why, but she looks a little shaken up.

We walk to the door in silence. I open up and enter the corridor, but she stays behind, indecisive. The young woman steps out and then goes back into the apartment. This is getting ridiculous.

"Alice. Do you want to leave? You can tell me what's going on. You know that."

Alice tries to come up with an explanation, but she can't figure out the correct words. She gives up and closes her mouth.

I do not know, for the life of me, what to do in a situation like this. My first instinct is to embrace her, so she can feel enough trust in me to at least let me know what's going through her mind.

She gives in to the big hug and we stay there, feeling each other's warmth. There's nothing much left for me to do, is there?

"Alice, you're welcome to stay if you don't want to go wherever you have to, okay?" She stares at me, weighing her options. Her eyes shine reflecting the light of the corridor. Or maybe they reflect my own orbs, looking at her lovingly. With an intense stare battle like this one, I can't hide my true emotions, neither from her or from myself.

Is it okay if I caress her cheek? I can't resist.

What if she's heartbroken and doesn't want anything with anyone?

Is it okay if I touch noses with her? Still can't stop myself.

And if I come even closer than this... will I finally...?

Alice acts faster than me and kisses me. It's a soft touch of our lips until she grabs me more fiercely. I follow her movements and pick her up, taking her into my bedroom. Her hands move up and down my back and her legs grab me with force. I fill her neck with kisses and she starts looking around as I lay her on my bed. She notices where we are. Did I bring her in here too soon?

To my surprise (once again) she gets on top of me. She's eager to enjoy this night, even more so than I am. And I've dreamt of this before. Has she always liked me... or is she very desperate? Do I want to know?

I have little time to recall any fantasies. I move on top of her again. I like this position more, it gives me the power make her feel good with her putting in little effort. I'll make this a memorable night, to get the awful call out of her head.

She's not paying a lot of attention to what I'm doing anymore. Oh, it's so easy to lower my self esteem. I try harder to please her and simultaneously start taking her clothes off.

Alice still isn't very engaged or interested in what's happening.

Suddenly I hear a drop of rain. I stand up, as if something stronger than me is calling me out. I have to check the weather. It seems more important than what I was doing, for some reason.

I look out the kitchen window. No matter how much I squeeze my eyes, I can't see a single gout. The sound of water pouring persists. It comes from inside the house. Is there a leak?

The sound leads me to my own bedroom. There is a storm inside; a storm coming from Alice. My bedroom has dissapeared and a strong wind pushes me away from her. I jump to the bed and grab her fiercely. My legs slip. The water stream is too strong. My friend lifts her head up, just a bit, and calms down enough for me to overcome the storm and sit on the bed next to her. She's so sweet.

It's raining. It really was going to rain.

She's not the only one without an umbrella. There are no umbrellas either at home. Not the kind she would need right now. I can only hug her and tell her, that even the longest of rains stops someday.