Being alone is something I love, sitting in my room alone wasting away all by myself. I am alone but I am afraid of ending up alone. There is this darkness in me that I am trying to understand, I get attached I hate when people leave me for something better. I am angry a lot and I hide the pain. It's sometimes like from the inside out I am hurting myself until I turn numb, I let my mind take over and sit there alone thinking what's wrong with me? Why does no one want me, they never stay? I sit there and wonder am I really that bad of a person that just pushes and drives people away? I get really really angry to the point I want everyone who has hurt me to feel how I feel so I treat them the way they have treated me. I try and destroy peoples lives and make them feel worthless like they did to me. I think that is my darkness everyone who let me down and never stuck up for me when I need them I try to destroy. It makes people wonder what the hell is wrong with me, it's my mind, I'm trapped in my mind for the rest of my life and there is nothing that can stop it. I hate the feeling of being unwanted and replaced I have felt like that since I was a little girl, but keep your chin up, smile, wear long sleeves because if you don't people will send you away to an insane asylum because your not normal and truly it makes you feel even more out of place in this world. People and the world are the reason people kill themselves. If you are not like everyone else you're a misfit toy that they send off and just throw away. This world tears people down piece by piece, If you got a little junk in the trunk you are fat and disgusting, if you are too skinny you are anorexic, if you have a perfect body you are popular, you have sex with more then one guy your a "Slut" "Whore," If a person does not fit the stereotypical look, mindset, and way of life, the world says " You don't belong here." People like me have to fight and claw their way through everyday just so I can reach the top of the mountain and be pushed right back down, with every broken bone, cuts and bruises I will never reach the top of that mountain and stay on top of the mountain because I don't meet the expectation of the world and society. This darkness of knowing I will never be good enough is the darkness that keeps me alive, its a terrible thing and it will never leave but I fake a smile, I keep my head up, and I'm still here aren't I?
