Why?

Chapter One

🌸 Lauren's POV 🌸

I've decided that no, I don't have friends and yes I have a worst enemy. Do you know who..wait, what that is? My mirror. I see beauty in everyone but myself. I look into a mirror and want to cry. I stand there in just my bra and pants and think to myself, how can someone be so imperfect. I look at all my flaws and count them one by one. My body is covered in scars. I deserve all the pain I put myself through. I tell myself, cut deeper and it could all be over, but the second I out a blade to my skin, I find it too overwhelming. I sit for hours everyday just slicing my skin. This isn't how life should be. Is it? I know that I am a fat girl who should stop eating. I eat too much, I know that. All I have eaten so far today is a chocolate bar and I purged that up straight after. I have school today and I really don't want to go. I'm sick of going to that prison where I'm suppose to be learning educational things. I don't learn anything except how to feel shitty about myself and how that having a panic attack in the school corridors isn't the best thing.

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I stare at the clock. 9.05. I have only been here for less than 5 minutes and I already feel my anxiety getting worse. I try to engage in what Mr. Purter is saying but all I could think of is how much I wanted to leave this class and do something..well anything other than being here. " Excuse me sir can I go to the toilet" says Catherine. "No, you need to complete all the questions.

Mr Purter was an okay teacher I suppose. He had good moments and bad moments. One moment he was all jokey and putting on Borat voices and the next he was shouting at the class telling us about how we were 'killing' him because we cause him too much 'stress'. Ironic, ey? Teachers saying WE cause them stress when really they cause so many people to go insane. The amount of homework they pile us up with and the amount of stress they put on us. They have no idea of how many pupils in their classes go home at night and cry because they think they are so dumb and useless in this world because they don't know how to work out what x equals or how to work out the force a car travels. Who the fuck cares?

Jodie was staring at me. I just looked away. Jodie was a nasty piece of work and has been bothering me ever since I joined this school. I could hear them laughing behind my back. Suddenly I was tapped on the shoulder. Jodie's friend handed me a piece of folded paper. Part of me didn't want to open it and the other part of me did. I could have just thrown it in the but oh no, I had to open it. She had stuck a razor blade onto a piece of paper and written "You can use this on your fat skin." I could feel my eyes starting to water and it was becoming harder to breathe. I tried to calm myself down by thinking of happy things but nothing really made me happy. No one, except Samuel. Well I called him Sam. Sam is my best friend. He is has a boyfriend so I don't see him as much as I used to but he is always there when I need someone.

Sam looked at me. "Are you okay?" He mouthed to me, at this point I was crying. I wiped my tears and mouthed back "I'm fine." He looked at me. He looked at me the way Sam would when he could tell that something wasn't right.

I started scribbling in a bit of paper, drawing pointless things. "Miss Cunning, what are you doing."

"Oh, nothing sir."

"Don't doodle in my class, detention."

What the hell? I literally drew a stick person with a speech bubble saying "I want to die" and I got a detention. The anger was building up inside of me. I got out of my seat, picked up my bag and walked out.

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