Assumptions; Jack Duff

[ 1 ]

For almost 9 years of my life i've been a victim of bullying. 9 FUCKING YEARS. it's not that big of a deal for me, it's just normal, what i'm used to. It all started when i was 8, and my parents got a job in the uk so we had to leave america. We moved to a small town in Southern England and into a nice house. When I was 8 the pain was manageable, I coped. All it really consisted of was small grazes and name calling. But now thats escalated to bruises and cuts, and that includes self inflicted too. I'm 17  and it's my first year at college. Yeah it's crazy how fast time passes when you get used to it. I mean I say 'used to' but it's more like numb. That's right, my body is numb to the pain.

It was started by this one guy, his name's Joe. Joe Fuckng Parker. My death seller. He's the reason it's become appealing. The reason my body looks like art, but not the art you'd find in a gallery, the type a young child would do with colouring outside the lines, cutting and sticking. 

Anyway it all started with him and his mates, Bruce and Luke. They we're the devilish trio. They were the most two faced kids in school, either that or the other kids also enjoyed watching me suffer. That they indeed did. The reason Joe has his reputation is me. I'm the reason people hang out with him. At least my suffering is causing someone enjoyment. 

As I moved through secondary school, i lost my best friend. It wasn't that I did anything wrong. I just wasn't 'popular' or 'perfect' she suddenly decided that she didn't want to suffer with me and instead decided causing the pain was more entertaining. A little while later that reason became apparent due to the new cutest couple at school! Joe and Katie. They honestly made me sick but not because she used to be my best friend or because she ditched me to be happy. But it was the fact that she used our friendship against me, told Joe everything.

A few months ago he set up a website. It's Called ZarasASluttyWhore.co.uk

It's basically a site they use to attack me and talk about me.

joe_parker : omg swear she's gained like 5 pounds 😂

s4m.patterson : Did you see what she was wearing earlier

chels.briggs : And her hair looked so greasy

lxke.marks :  @joe_parker probably 😂😂

I know i shouldn't look but i can't help it. if it was you you'd want to know what people say about you, wouldn't you? Well i do. It doesn't do anything for me apart from adding me more self inflicted scars. I think of my scars as a story. Each one represents a person. Someone i'm ready to get rid of. Leave behind.

Most of my body's filled with them. I know many people are probably thinking 'why hasn't she done it yet' 'why hold on?' And i sometimes wonder too. I guess the answers hope. The hope that things will get better, life will improve. Someone will speak up or do something. Change. I have this feeling inside me that soon somebody will defend me, love me. But I guess i've had this feeling for many years now and nothings changed. Nobody dares to stand up to me as they just know Joe and the rest of them will just destroy them. 

'What about your family?' you may ask. Well the thing is i might as well not have one. My dad was always around as a child but as him and my mum drifted apart through many long nights of arguments he got addicted and well lets just say drinks and drugs got the best of him. Yeah that was tough, especially with my young self dealing with what she had to go through at school. Don't worry though, i've grown to accept that this world doesn't have anything for me. 

My mum on the other hand is probably the only thing attaching me to this earth. She's like a small thread holding me to the earth that could break any second. If anything were to happen to her i'd be more than ready to go. As it is i don't see her though, she has to work full time now since my dad's not here to support us, it's become normal though and i'm happy she's always out as she believes i' happy. She still thinks of me as her precious porcelain doll. I don't know how she'd react if she had an insight to my life and i'm not willing to find out.

Today was yet again another long day at school. It started with me turning up in the nurse's office after just 5 minutes of stepping through the school gates. The school nurses office could basically be part of m school timetable as i'm pretty much there that much. Don't get me wrong though, it's probably the best art of m school day. Not the pain, just the fact I can hide away and stay shut out from the crowded corridors. 

"This is the 3rd day this week you've came in to school with a headache Zara. Are you sure everything is okay?" Mrs Baker asked. She was the school nurse. literally the only person i could ever feel safe around.

"yeah, i think i'm just coming down with a cold" I lie. The truth was on my way in Joe and Bruce had stole my bag and wouldn't give it back until i finally went to grab it and he just dropped it on my head. i know it shouldn't have hurt but after almost cracking your skull open the day before when he pushed you against the ground and having a laptop in your bag is very painful.

"I really think you should get home to bed" she said turning her head so our eyes met. I could see her eyes looking straight at mine, trying to read them or maybe searching for pain, a tear. But there was none. As I said, i've become numb to the torture. I feel like if i showed pain they would know they've won. But they can't. I'm the only person i will allow to finish this game. Not them.

oMg sorry this is lowkey depressing   

Please voteee

ig : @twerkingbeaumont

1077 words sks