Gingerbread Love

Chapter-8: BPOV

A/N: I'm loving how so many of you can relate to this story of mine. This is exactly what I wanted to write when I started writing this one ... a story based on reality with real life issues. So thank you for sharing your experiences with me through reviews and PMs.

In case I haven't said it lately, Ashmerlin is one amazing beta a writer can dream to have by her side.

Chapter-8: BPOV

Just like he had brought light and happiness back into my life, Edward leaves for his tour taking all my happiness with him.

In the early days after his departure, I make an effort to live life differently from how I used to. I'm a newly-married bride now, I tell myself. I'm supposed to see the world through rose-tinted glasses.

Unfortunately, when you get used to having someone be there for you and then the person leaves for a year, things start to feel overwhelming.

As the new year sets in, so does my depression. No matter how many hours I spend sleeping, I still feel tired to my bones, and when I do sleep, it's not the peaceful slumber I used to have wrapped up in Edward's arms. No, now I sleep fitfully, most nights waking up from nightmares.

With the exhaustion comes the anorexia. No matter how less I eat, I start to feel bloated all day everyday. So I decide to avoid food as much as possible. A few weeks passes and e-mails from Edward become more sparse. He tells me that they do not have a secure internet connection most days so it takes him time to respond to me. I get that, but my heart doesn't. My stupid heart seems to think that he's forgetting me. Deep into the night, my nightmares whisper in my ears that I'll be left alone once again.

I try to keep my emotions under the wraps, but one day in February, I just lose it when a paper gets stuck inside the printer. I thump the stupid machine twice before letting out a loud sob. "Why does this always happen to me?" I wail.

Abby, one of the administrative assistants, comes over to help me, but it looks to me as if she's pitying me and I lash out at her. "Leave it!" I growl at her. "I can handle it on my own. I didn't ask for your help."

Her eyes widen, and blinking fast, as if to keep tears at bay, she starts to back away from me. The unshed tears in her eyes make mine wet too. Without meaning to, I grab her in a hug and start apologizing profusely.

Once I've calmed down, Abby offers me a hesitant smile and quickly moves to the far corner of the office. As I yank the paper out of the printer and head over to sit at my desk, I catch Rosalie's eyes. My sister-in-law stares at me open-mouthed, and I blush slightly at my silly outburst. "I'm sorry," I mouth to her.

For a few moments, I keep my eyes trained on the papers I am grading before looking back up at Rose. Her dumbstruck expression seems to have been replaced with an almost calculating look as she smiles at me.

A few classes later, when we're walking out of the school together, Rose turns to me. "Bell, how are you doing?"

A spark of irritation sizzles through me because if anyone should know how pathetic my life currently is, it would be her. "I'm just dandy, Rose," I say irritably. "My husband is in who-knows-where doing who-knows-what and I'm just fucking amazing!"

Instead of looking insulted by my attack, a look of understanding crosses her face. She wraps her arm across my shoulder and gives me a little squeeze. "I miss him too, Bell," she says softly. "Don't worry. Edward is a tough guy. He'll come back to us. He always does."

The soft tone of her voice is my undoing and before I know, I'm hugging her and bawling my eyes out as I mumble about how much I've been missing him and how scary it is to not hear from him some days. She just lets me cry for a few minutes before pulling away and wiping away my tears. "You feel like going for a girls' night tonight?" she asks me brightly. "We can just watch a chick-flick and pig out on junk food."

I smile at her offer and nod before saying, "How about we watch action movies instead?"

She shrugs. "I'm in. So does Mark Wahlberg do it for you?"

"Better him than Nicholas Sparks."

The incident happens when our cheese pizza arrives. One whiff of the cheese and I am running for the toilet and emptying the almost nonexistent contents of my stomach there. Rose doesn't say anything except for holding my hair back and rubbing my back. Once the retching stops, she makes me sit across from her and puts the movie on pause and then she asks the question. "So when was your last visit from Aunt Flo?"

I frown as her words. "What do you mean?"

She sighs. "Bella, whenever I call you, you say you're in bed and yet you look like a panda with the dark circles underneath your eyes. You don't finish your lunch and say you're full after just a few bites. Add in the mood swings I've been observing and now the up-chuck reflex from smelling the pizza, I think we should buy a pregnancy test."

Suddenly, it all seems to click in my head, and after taking a large gulp of my water, I whisper, "We should buy a couple, just to be sure."

About an hour later, I stand in Rose's bathroom with tear tracks running down my cheeks as I stare at five tests on the counter ... each showing different positive signs in pink and blue.

Placing a hand on my still flat stomach, I let out a gut-wrenching sob.

That night, as I fall asleep, the resentment starts to build.

He left me alone to take care of our child while he runs around saving others, the little devil on my shoulder whispers to me.

But he's trying to create a safe world for our baby, the little angel counters.

I just know one thing for certain: I need Edward, now more than ever.

After going to my first doctor's appointment with Rose, I ask her if there's a way for Edward to come home early. She seems to think for a moment and then grimaces. "The only thing I can think of is right now is extreme emergencies, or ... if a soldier is so badly hurt that he won't be able to continue to serve, then he's sent back home earlier than scheduled."

Shit! That's not how I want him to come home to me, I decide.

So for the next month, I try to hide the news of the baby from Edward, not because I was mad at him or anything, no, because I didn't want him to do something reckless in order to come back home early.

Edward, of course, being the perceptive man he is, confronts me about it, and unable to hold it in anymore, I tell him. About the baby, about how I've been feeling, all of it. He listens intently and once I'm done, he tells me how excited he is to have a family with me. Hearing the anticipation in his voice, makes all my fears and worries just melt away.

When we hang up, I know that this child will bring happiness and fulfilment in our family.

Our very own family.

A/N: So there you go! You see why she didn't tell him earlier. It might be a bit irrational, but with pregnancy hormones causing her emotions to run rampant, it's entirely plausible.

The printer situation is loosely based on an experience I had in RL; except it was a pharmaceutical grade tablet compression machine and I was in Abby's place.

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Thanks for reading.

Love,

Ann