wings [bts mafia au]

1.53

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"So he got in bed with you, and then what?"

Nari leaned forward, her eyebrows raised.

I shrugged, looking down at my hands. I decided to lie to her. "We made out. That's it."

"You made out? What?! Nothing else?"

Again, I shrugged. Of course I'd told Nari that Monday that Seokjin had spent the night, but not what happened before that. Or past that.

I wasn't that I regretted doing anything with him. I didn't want to take back what'd happened— it had been nice, and I thought it did help me heal in some way. I just wasn't... proud of it.

It was too soon, and looking back, I knew that. I knew I should have waited. And after two days to think and let it process, I started to berate myself a more and more for it. I'd been delusional, in shock, upset, and my mind had been all sorts of clouded. I had been insane letting him even get in bed with me in the first place.

I couldn't let sex be my coping mechanism for this. I wouldn't let it be. I knew there were people that did, and they turned out ten times worse. Using someone to help my own mind deal with my own demons was not the way to get over this. I was better than that.

Seokjin deserved better than that.

"Nothing else," I lied. "I wasn't... in the mood. But it was still nice; he was really sweet and he's a great kisser."

Nari groaned dramatically and put her head down on the lab table. "You were that close to his dick and you didn't go for it. I'm so fucking disappointed. I thought I taught you better than this."

I smiled softly and looked down at my hands folded on the table. She didn't know what'd happened, and I even though I knew she would be sweet and completely understanding and sympathetic if I did tell her, I didn't think she needed to know. I didn't need another person worrying about me too.

Sunday morning, I'd woken up late, and immediately panicked when I realized that 1. there was a boy asleep in my bed, 2. I was naked in that same bed, and 3. my parents were on the way home. So as anyone would do, I shoved Seokjin out the door in his sweatpants with all his stuff and no shirt on, gave him a goodbye kiss, and slammed the door in his face.

I kept his sweatshirt though. He wasn't getting that back.

And when my parents got home, their bathroom didn't smell like vomit and I was wearing a turtleneck sweater and about five layers of concealer to hide the bruise on my face.