Wishing To Be Weak

Prologue

        I wondered why the world was created if there was no happiness. There was just sadness, even the happiest people were dying deep inside, like me. I couldn't feel happiness anymore. I was numb. All I felt were the cold tear drops falling from the sky,  not knowing which were mine anymore. I was officially broken. I didn't know where to go,  what to do, or why to even live. Living had no value anymore. It was a curse to live. You felt pain, sadness, and anger.

        I had no more hope. I have been disowned by my own flesh and blood. The only people I loved and gave my all to, left me, but deep down inside I know this was all my fault. I caused all of this.  I caused them to hate me. I caused him to leave. I caused her death. I caused every little thing that happened in the past 4 years. I wanted to end it all. The pain, tears, hatred, and everything else, but the only way to end the sorrow was to end my life.

       I stopped walking and noticed a puddle. I knelt down to see my reflection. I looked like a piece of shit. My brown hair was soaked and stuck to my skin.  My red eyes proved that I indeed was still crying. I  hated seeing myself.  I stomped at the puddle and looked at the ripple. It slowly faded and made me see my reflection again. I stood up and kept walking. I didn't want to see my hopeless face ever again.

        I kept walking, not caring about the rain.  I wanted to end it now. I was capable of ending my life. I stopped walking and held on to the railing to the bridge. I stared at the water moving drastically under me.

        If I jumped I wanted to face the water. I wanted to know when it would end . It would be selfish if I jumped facing the sky. I deserved the pain and I deserved to witness my death. A coward is what I was. I am weak, but yet I am powerful.