The Story Of Her Life

How It All Started

This is the story of Me. Me, the me, who is narrating this to you. 

Name? Insignificant. All that matters is my journey and experiences. Who I was, who I am and who I will be. 

Beware - This could even be the story of you. 

I do not know how this all started. All I can remember is that chair at Dr. Kanchana Patil's office. 

"I am 31, I still don't know what my passion is. I could not even go in search of it as I don't think I know it myself. I do not have a job, I live off my husband's money and everyday I ponder as to who am I and what is my purpose?  It's been 2 years since I started in this state. I am still unable to find answers to my questions. Please help me, doctor! Please help me from a crashing meltdown!  Please help me live my life! I do not want to die in misery!"

I can hear my shaky, scared voice saying this to the doctor. I am listening to my voice as if it is someone else talking. I can also hear the soothing voice of Dr. Kanchana asking me to calm down first and sit down on the chair. That chair - the reason of this narration. If not for the doctor or the chair, you would have been spared of this story. 

"Please calm down and have some water."

Guilt, uncertainty and forever haunting low self-esteem overpower me as I drink water from the glass.

"Could we please start with your name?", asks the doctor.

I am horror-struck, the scope of what this meeting could mean blew me off my mind. "Sorry, I cannot.. I do not.. Sorry, I am not sure if I should have come here."

Oh yes, that's me, the indecisive me who does things on an impulse and regret them later. Though I do not remember how I ended up at the doctor's office, I can be sure of one thing - it must have been my impulsiveness that brought me here. 

I am sure that many others who came here said the same, the doctor continued with no change in her reaction, "I understand that visiting a psychologist is not normal for many. I can see that you have a lot going on from those four statements you spoke. I know that you have tried to figure things out on your own but are still missing one piece to put together the whole puzzle. You were convinced that I could give you that one piece when you decided to come here. However, you are scared of the consequences." 

Leaning in front, the doctor continued, "First of all, I maintain confidentiality of my patients. It is my ethics to maintain secrecy. You can be sure of that. Second, I would need your name to start with."

Though whatever the doctor said is true, I still could not bring myself to divulge even my name, "Sorry doctor, I do not think I can tell you my real name. Will an alias be fine?"

"Sure, please give me the name that you can relate to the most. It will be very helpful for our sessions. Names and closest relationships are the only things we are always conscious of, even while unconscious."

"Jo, you can call me Jo, that's not my real name though."

"Sure, Jo,  could you please tell me more about yourself and your family?"