rants

- 1 -

[alright so if you do not like mentions of suicide or mental health problems etc, then i advise you to leave because i'll be talking about that quite a bit in this rant]

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i'm not okay. in fact i feel far from okay. there's so many things wrong with me. i'm depressed, have an ED, fat, ugly and weird. everyone else is better than me and having fun and shit but me? i'm just there. being the idiot i always was and will be. i'm always a nuisance, stupid, annoying or something bad to everyone.

i'm always the one to blame.
always to one to be picked on.
always the one to be ignored.

all. the. time.

and tbh all i want to do is just disappear; from this earth, from everyone's presence. just... from everything, everyone and everywhere.

what's worse is that the main reason why i'm getting picked on is because i'm bisexual. everyone thinks that's a reason to hate on me. the reason to call me names and throw things at me. i tried to stand up for myself, tell them to go away etc but they don't listen. no one does. that's why i just shut out the real world and started listening to music, going on wattpad and reading fanfiction + just being online in general. and also... that's why i started cutting. its the only thing that helps me when this kind of shit happens. i mean it's bad but in the end, aren't i as well? anyway all i came here to do on this rant was to say that:

i'm fucking depressed. and i don't mean for this to sound fake, overdramatic or whatever. i just want a place where i can share my feelings without being judged. this is it now i guess... bye