Truth

Precipice

At the pier, they ended up sitting again, at the end, feet hanging over the water, looking out to the bay.  He kept an arm around her as she leaned into his warmth, his chest and shoulder cradling her head.

They both reflected on her words in their own way, on their journey so far, to this point.  So many hurdles to get here.  One more to overcome.  She was first to break the reverie.  "Can?"

Hearing his name, he gave her a squeeze without even thinking about it.  "Sanem?  You are good?  Warm enough?"  She smiled at his immediate concern for her, wrapping her arms around his waist underneath his coat and giving a quick squeeze.  "Mmmm, evet." she said, turning to look up to his face.  He met her gaze and smiled softly.  She matched his smile but then quickly went stoic again, with the thought that she needed to finish.

He saw it happen and looked back down in front of him, knowing more unpleasantness was to come.  After a moment, they both started-  "I'm ready-"   He, to receive her truth; she to deliver it.  Having spoken simultaneously, they let small grins through, thankful for a lighter moment.  "Go on" he said.  "I told you Emre meant something to me as my brother and you decided to keep silent...  I understand that piece."

"Yes," she began again.  "It wasn't the only time I had started to tell you everything, but didn't."  He tried to think of other similar moments and the one that stood out to him was when she'd come to his house, actually stating she wanted to confess something.  It was a moment he never really let go of, having asked her about it several times afterward.  "Like when you came to the house?"

She dipped her head again, "Yes but-   that confession was more about my feelings for you than anything else..."  He let a full smile cross his lips this time, feeling his ego a bit.  "I knew you felt something for me then!"   She let herself smile too, and she kind of shoved her shoulder into his side.  "You were relentless."  He chuckled at that- "I was!  I knew I wanted to get closer to you, but you kept pushing."  He knocked back into her shove and they rocked back and forth for a bit before the heaviness returned.   "And, you had a fiance-  or so I had thought at the time," he finished, dipping his head back down.

She pulled away from him, turning to face him-  "Evet-" one of the first lies.  "I had used the ring as an excuse for my presence in your house that night when Emre asked me to get the fi--"  He stopped her "Yes, Sanem- I know this part-  no need to go through it again...  really."

"I'm Sorry," she answered- "it's hard to keep track of what you know and what you don't yet...   I'll skip ahead."  He felt a little guilty for pushing her past the subject of the ring, the fake fiance...  He really did understand how she got there, but it seemed she needed to tell the whole story from the beginning in order to make sense of all the events that happened.  "Sanem, I don't mean to ignore you, or act bored with your narrative...  I just mean that we've got through that part already. Ok?  Forgiven."   

She nodded her understanding, but was still a little flustered, trying to convey an account that could be followed.   She always tripped over words, or couldn't find the right ones to make herself clear.  He was always asking her to make sense, finish a sentence, create a logical thought.  She took a breath and exhaled sharply, trying to center herself again.  She began again, trying to quickly summarize the moment at the house before revealing the uglier truth-

"Tamam, yes.  Well, twice at your house actually-  Once after I'd told you to leave.  And then you said you were leaving - going abroad.  You told me after you gave me that wonderful gift.  I started using the quill to continue my writing that very evening- but not before the panic had set it-  You were leaving.  And the thought tore through me.  I went to your house to ask that you stay, and then decided to tell all that night.  And then-   Polen answered your door."