hü-zün
noun/ hU-‘zUn/
: a melancholy resulting from inadequacy or failure and weighing so heavily that it becomes communal, resigned, and even curiously poetic.
Some people said that to them music made a lot more sense than other people did. Rayna was beginning to think that she was one of those people. Every lunch time she would sit by herself listening to nothing but some Daughter, Florence and the Machine and on adventurous days Beyoncé. She had friends but it felt like none of them understood her like the strum of guitar strings or pounding of drums from her earphones.
As she was walking to fourth period chemistry she bobbed her head to Brendan Urie’s vocals in the hall. Rayna stepped too far ahead of her without looking and walked straight into a tall tanned male figure. When she bent down to pick up her books she caught a glimpse of the guy’s face. She knew exactly who it was and all of a sudden she started muttering her apologies. Before he could say anything back she grabbed all her books and continued trotting down the hall like nothing had happened. In her head though she was a mess. The guy she had bumped into was none other than Marc Trent. Honour student Marc Trent. And Student Body President Marc Trent.
It would not have been so embarrassing if he wasn’t so attractive and nice about it. She would always see him hanging around that red headed girl who apparently just began to come to school more often. There was a rumour going around that she was on drugs. For the most part to Rayna, she suit the part very well but she didn’t understand what a well-kept guy like Marc was doing around someone like her.
“Rayna Holmes?” she heard behind her a few minutes later while the music had stopped to switch songs.
“Huh?” Rayna asked and she turned around to see Marc smiling back at her.
“I think you dropped this,” Marc handed her the book which she forgot to pick up after the incident.
“Thanks,” Rayna looked up at him tucking a curl behind her ear.
Just then the bell rang and the hall was in chaos. Marc nodded to her as if to say that he had to go and she reciprocated by turning around heading in the opposite direction of her class. Today didn’t feel like a Chemistry day all of a sudden.
It was funny that since high school had started he had never said anything to her or even looked her way but in Rayna’s mind maybe bumping into him wasn’t such a bad event after all. Being a student at Ballard high school there was a 50/50 chance that by the time senior year rolled around no one would know her name and Rayna somehow accepted it. It made her a bit sad to know that people wouldn’t remember her but it wasn’t like she really put herself out there anyway. She just sat in her corner listening to her sad music and writing depressing lyrics for her to sing when she was alone. She used the sorrow in her life that collected over time to compose the music that made her feel alive if just for a moment.
“Hey bitch,” Alex announced herself as she took a seat beside Rayna during lunch.
“Whore,” Rayna calmly answered pulling her headphones out.
Alex cracked a smile causing her dimple to be pronounced,”You know one day someone will think we hate each other,”
“We don’t?” Rayna grinned.
“So where were you during Chem?” Alex said taking a sip of juice.
“Somewhere,” Rayna evaded
“Over the rainbow?” Alex moved closer to her with a seemingly innocent expression. Rayna knew better, Alex was just trying to butter her up before actually asking about her whereabouts with no vague answers.
