This Is Happening: Molly's Story.

04: This Is Not Good

04: This Is Not Good

Jordan closed her laptop. She moved slowly from the stool and stretched, but her eyes stayed trained on the now-darkened screen. Her heart ached and her mind tumbled in an unfamiliar way. Molly was in pain and alone. Jordan knew that the loneliness would pass; hers did. But she recognized that before she found Kaitlyn, she wasn't aching in the same way. She was alone but not lonely.

Jordan moved quietly through the kitchen. She quickly, finely diced some vegetables and whipped them into an omelet mixture. She covered the bowl and then moved on to slicing some fruit and layering it with plain greek yogurt in a small plastic cup. She moved from breakfast prep to lunch, all the while replaying her conversation with Molly in her head. By the time she finished preparing Boone's food and writing a note for Kaitlyn, it was almost 1:30 AM.

Jordan stopped briefly in Boone's room, Kaitlyn's childhood room. Wooden cut-out letters hung over his crib: "Boone Foss Lane." She loved that Kaitlyn chose a name that connected all of them. Boone, her last name; Foss, Kaitlyn's and Molly's mother's maiden name; and Lane. Jordan watched him sleeping soundly.

She stared down at him, tasting no emotion in the moment but feeling immense and unmatched love. She saw in Boone both Kaitlyn and Molly and, surprisingly, herself. The joy of growing as a person and a parent was nothing that Jordan could have imagined for herself a handful of years ago. Now she couldn't imagine a world without her son, without her family. Jordan chanced it and leaned into the crib, gently cradling the two-year-old's head before she left him to sleep.

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Kaitlyn stirred from sleep. She could feel Jordan's arms wrapped around her, spooning her from behind. Jordan's slightly damp hair brushed over her neck. She glanced at the bedside clock. 2:30 AM.

Kaitlyn reached for Jordan's hand resting at her stomach. She pulled it gently to her mouth and kissed the back of it softly. "Oh, Baby, it's late. Did something happen at work?"

Love and concern shot through the Haze. It tasted rich and slightly salty, like a warm, comforting stew. Jordan smiled into the darkness at the sound of Kaitlyn's voice and the thickening of the Haze. "No, I've been in bed for about an hour. Just couldn't fall asleep and you were lights-out. Go back to sleep, it's late. Molly sends her love. She was having a bad night."

Kaitlyn shifted and rolled over so that she faced Jordan, their bodies lightly tangled. She stared into Jordan's eyes for a moment, letting her vision adjust to the limited light. She saw emotion evident in Jordan's loving, but tired, gaze.

"No, Baby." Kaitlyn kissed Jordan's eyelids softly. "What's wrong?"

Jordan blinked, her body shivering, the Haze and spindles of emotion intensifying and washing over her. Nothing was like the unspoken emotional sentiment that Kaitlyn freely shared. "Oh, Jesus." She sighed and tears burned again. "I love you too, Kaitlyn."

Kaitlyn leaned in and kissed Jordan softly over her face, across her lips, into the crook of her neck. Her touch dizzied Jordan. Kaitlyn spoke and her breath and lips tickled at the edge of Jordan's ear, "Talk to me."

Jordan swallowed, a small knot forming in her throat. "Molly's struggling."

Kaitlyn stiffened and pulled back, examining Jordan carefully. Jordan tasted the sharp tang of concern. "Molly? She didn't say anything earlier."

Jordan rested her hand on the arch of Kaitlyn's neck and gently moved her fingers over the soft skin as she spoke. Kaitlyn sighed. Jordan had a chef's hands, slightly calloused and rough from working in the kitchen and washing thousands of dishes. They felt wonderful pulling over Kaitlyn's skin.